A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Female insight needed please!!!I broke up with my gf (of nearly 3yrs) 5 months ago as I felt I wasn't making her happy and that made me unhappy.Iv'e since done a lot of soul searching but know deep down I still love her. We agreed to meet having recently seen each other for the first time since the break up. I checked before we met what the situation was and she said she was seeing someone right now. I was gutted but not as much as I thought I would be.We met for dinner last night and things were great, no awkwardness. The new man cropped up in chat a couple of times but nothing major. We laughed and joked and it felt good. She said she wanted to stay friends and that we should meet up regularly?!At the end we gave each other a long, meaningful cuddle. I thought in my head that I didn't want to let go, then she said 'I could stay like this forever'!!I text her an hour later saying 'that couldn't have gone any better. Thank you X'She replied 'No it couldn't, it was lovely, looking forward to next time! Xx'Then this morning she added me as a friend on facebook?!!The question is.......what on earth is she thinking?!!!Thanks for your time, any feedback will be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (11 December 2010):
 i think your best just telling her it was great seeing her but you shouldnt be meeting behind her bf back. it can lead to a very slippery slope and you said you are in a good place dont ruin it! back of let her enjoy her new relationship and go your own way and move your life forward good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): That's not right. If your going to be friends she needs to be open and honest. And no its not fair to him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): Thanks for those answers! I guess I needed to see her again to really find out where I'm at. I'm in a great place because of the break up and I wouldn't want to ruin either of our new situations. I don't think it's fair on her new man to see me regularly, do you? She didn't tell him about the meeting and said she wouldn't tell him about any others?! This is where I am mostly confused?
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A
female
reader, metalheadmom  +, writes (9 December 2010):
 She told you what she is thinking - but because you are still emotionally attached to her, you two cannot BE just friends. I strongly recommend you TELL her how you feel, and stop seeing each other or talking until you both are on the same page. She has a boyfriend, and to be honest, she should not be seeing you at all unless her boyfriend is with her.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 December 2010):
 It's hard to say, to me it seems like she wants to be friend and is happy to have you back in her life. (AS a friend.)
Seems like you think she wants more then just be friends though. You ought to be perfectly honest with her about how you feel, no mixed signals. And.... if she wants to get back together I suggest she dumps her current BF first...................
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): I would take a 'softly softly' approach. I think she may well have moved on and would like to remain in friendly contact. So don't go and spoil things by jumping in feet first. Let some time go by - meet for another friendly meal. And play it by ear. I'm afraid it's a wait and see situation - play the long game. Otherwise just move on.
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A
female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (9 December 2010):
 She wants to be civil with you, she wants to stay friends
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A
female
reader, apple89 +, writes (9 December 2010):
she wants to be friends with you.. u were very special to her and thast why she thinks cuddling and hainging out is a good way to begin a friendship... trust me i been there before.. all you can do is think if you are ready to be friends with her bc if not its better to no tsee each other for a while until you can see her as a friend too
good luck!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (9 December 2010):
 It sounds like she's ready to be friends..nothing more, nothing less. I see no reason why you can't be friends with her. The only thing that might get in the way is you constantly thinking she wants to be more, since you still love her. Perhaps, it's not in your best interest to be friends with her just yet. Give yourself more time, and spaced out hangout sessions with her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): The real question is: what are you thinking? What was your intention of going on a dinner date with her? You say you still love her so was this meeting up with her something you'd hope would lead to something more?
We can't tell you what she's thinking but it sounds like she has moved on. There wasn't any flirting from her and she said she wants to be friends. She is seeing someone else now so i would think very carefully about going on any more dinner dates with her.
It sounds like she wants to stay friends because she is still fond of you but you have an alterior motive. If your reasoning for meeting up with her is to try and get her back then i would think twice about being "friends" because it sounds like you want more from her. She has a boyfriend now so you need to respect that.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (9 December 2010):
Some people manage others don't being friends with their ex. i Generally think its healthy if you leave your past behind you and dont dredge it forward it can weigh you down and give you the wrong feelings and impressions. Always best to give your head and your heart a long break before trying to colour the water. she stated she wanted to be friends and meet up regular she has a bf so what do you really think she was trying to tell you. you can either ask her if she ever wants to try again but considering what she has said i think you best walk away for a while. she has moved on and i think you need to accept that. the simple way i see it is you can ask her about getting together or be friends or walk away entirely. think of all those and think which you will regret the most! and pick the one you think is right. good luck aphex xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): She sounds confused. Maybe she want to see that you really have changed. Maybe she doesn't want to break up with her new bf cause she doesn't want to look back some day and wonder "what if"... give her time to see what she want. Don't pressure her. And if all she wants right now is you to be her friend then just be her friend. Sound like she has some interest though. I think she might just want to take it slow right now. But do be prepared that she might never want more. And give her a little space (cloth guys are never sexy ). Good luck
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