A
male
age
30-35,
*bi921.
writes:Hi everyone Hope you all are fine. I am gonna marry next month.I had never sex in my life. I just watched some porn videos. I wamted to know especially from female how much pain you feel during wedding night sex!!! my gf told me that she scared from pain and other sex thing on the other hand i have a lot of craze about sex.. How can i make things right on wedding night???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2015): Go slow. Personally it hurts less if you've had a lot of foreplay. My first time was really painful and it hurt for a couple of days afterwards as well. The morr caring and supportive you are, the better.
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (29 June 2015):
First rule....
The penis is not the answer to a woman's orgasm on it's own. Most men believe the bigger the better, the longer you can last the better, the more toys in the bedroom the better, the harder you push in and out the better, and all that other crap!!!
You were created with hands, lips, and tongue for a reason. Women are have very sensitive bodies for a reason.
Your penis is to finish her off, not the only tool to be used during sex. Yes foreplay...and that foreplay does not start in the bedroom. Most men only pay attention to their women when they want sex. Pay attention outside the bedroom, so that when you get inside the bedroom, you only have to pay attention to detail work...wink wink :)
You should never have to ask your partner "Hey, you wanna have sex??"
If you are doing things right, your first time, yes your lady will feel some pain at first...but the pleasure of what you are doing will override all the pain.
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A
female
reader, Kendle  +, writes (29 June 2015):
 First of all, congratulations on your wedding! Is it very important to you that you have full, vaginal sex on your wedding night? Or would you be open to taking things a little slower and waiting until you are both entirely ready? I'm just thinking, if you are going from not having done anything sexually with your girlfriend yet, it might be nice to spend the first few nights building up to sex, getting to know each others bodies and experimenting in other ways to see what feels good. Personally, I find the build up to the first time you have full sex with someone the most exciting part and so always try to make it last as long as possible. Then, when we can't wait any longer, I go for it. In any case, I would strongly recommend buying lube as will make things much more comfortable for her.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (28 June 2015):
 Here's another great article from http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexuality/first_intercourse_101
An excerpt on pain and bleeding from that article:
Pain and Bleeding
You may find that first intercourse does hurt. How much it hurts -- or if it does at all -- varies a good deal from person to person, experience to experience. However, most of the time, when people are all very aroused, relaxed and feel ready and comfortable and going about intercourse soundly, people feel good, rather than being in pain. Even the first time.
Sometimes the corona (hymen) may likely not be worn away a lot yet, and even if it has been somewhat, what remains of it may not have been stretched as much before as it is being stretched now.
But most commonly, pain or bleeding isn't about the hymen at all. Instead, it is more commonly about about feeling nervous, rushed, unsafe or scared, not aroused enough or having a partner be too hasty. Not communicating that something hurts, and keeping on in silence is another common culprit with pain during intercourse.
Again, go at a pace that feels right to you. If it hurts, stop; take a couple minutes again where the penis is just pressed against the vaginal opening, perhaps stimulate the clitoris a little, or take a big break to talk or snuggle. When and if you're both ready, try again. You may find you have to do this any number of times, and since it should still be enjoyable and intimate, there is absolutely no need to apologize for it. Any sort of sex isn't a one-shot deal -- it's a lifelong experience. Anyone in a hurry to "get it over with," is completely missing the boat.
We all also have different personal pain thresholds. For some people who have pain, first intercourse pain is a hiccup, and for others they feel a good deal of pain and discomfort. If it hurts a lot for you, you aren't a wuss, or weak, and if it doesn't hurt at all, that doesn't mean you weren't a virgin, or that something is wrong with you, either. First intercourse pain is usually, when it happens at all, fairly mild and short pain if you are aroused, relaxed, properly lubricated, and have a sensitive and patient partner.
There are a very small number of people whose coronas (hymens) are simply very resistant to eroding at all, and these people will usually feel tremendous pain at attempting intercourse. If you're one of them, you have probably found you cannot use tampons either, nor insert a finger into your vaginal opening. No matter how you try and break down a gate like this, it just isn't going to open, so you'll need to go and see a doctor or gynecologist to deal with it. Sex aside, it's not really healthy or comfortable to go through life with that sort of hymen, so you may need a surgeon or doctor to make an incision before you can do any of these things. Your doctor will talk to you about your options. As well, if pain during intercourse continues and helps like these don't fix things, check in with your doctor: certain health conditions or issues -- like an infection, a cyst, vulvar vestibulitis and the like -- can also be culprits
While most people don't bleed with intercourse, some do have bleeding during first intercourse or the first few times. Like pain, this is usually about things like not being aroused or relaxed enough, not using lubricant as needed and/or having a partner who is being too hasty. If you're well lubricated, and your partner goes slow, bleeding will likely be minimal or may not happen at all. Nothing is wrong if bleeding does not happen: some people have some bleeding or spotting with first intercourse or other kinds of vaginal entry, while others do not.
If you find that you've had intercourse many times and still are bleeding with it, and you've already tried things like adding extra lubrication or more non-intercourse activities, check in with your sexual healthcare provider. Bleeding and/or pain with intercourse can be a symptom of a sexually transmitted infection or other reproductive health issue.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 June 2015):
First of all, forget anything you "learned" in the porn videos. They are designed for men's sexual appetite and have very little to do with most women's sexuality.
Take it slow.
Learn from her what she likes.
Her most important sexual organ is her mind.
Women's bodies have many erogenous zones. Don't assume all the action is in her genital area.
Experiment, but gently at first.
Make sure she's aroused and lubricated before you try to penetrate her for the first time.
Don't expect sex to be perfect or flawless. It's a messy and physical act which will involve some clumsy moments. That's normal and okay.
Here's an article I wrote a while back:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/a-little-primer-on-women-and-sex.html
Here's another site which has good discussions about sex:
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodies/with_pleasure_a_view_of_whole_sexual_anatomy_for_every_body
You obviously want things to go well for her and for you, so I think you are off to a great start.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2015): Two pieces of advice for your wedding night:
1. GO SLOW. Women need a LOT more time than men to be lubricated enough for intercourse. Plan on at least 20 minutes of foreplay (kissing, touching, etc.) before you have sex.
2. Communicate. Chances are, your new wife will be nervous too and might not necessarily tell you when she does or doesn't like something. So, ask her! "Can I kiss you here"? "Do you like this?" "How does this feel?" "Are you ready for us to have sex?"
As far as pain goes, it won't hurt too much if she is ready. On a scale of 1 to 10, for me it was about a 2.
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