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Ladies- What It Means When A Guy Says: "I'll call you" And Then...He Doesn't

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Article - (22 November 2011) 10 Comments - (Newest, 14 May 2012)
A male United States age 36-40, Daniel the love doctor writes:

Now, barring any reasons such as a family tragedy or any other personal situation that may prevent a guy from calling, a guy may not call because...

#1. They just may not be that into you. I know this may hard to hear, and many women may not want to accept this as fact. But what you must realize, is that you can't attract everyone- and get guys to like/fall for you 100% of the time. There may be nothing wrong with you in particular- but the chemistry from their point of view just isn't there. By saying they'll call you, is just their way of being nice- and attempting to gracefully exit out of that situation as smoothly and/or quickly as possible.

#2. Work is on the forefront of their mind. It's possible the man is just too busy. I've had numerous guys (and women also) who've come to me looking to be matched up through my matchmaking service for the sole reason that they just didn't have the time to meet or socialize with people. Their work day is so busy and hectic, they just crash out at the end of the day- and just want to sleep. Now I do have to say if a man truly is into you, he'll find a way to call regardless of his work schedule. But if he's on the fence (or just just plainly not into you), he'll most likely not call- or not call you that often.

#3. Someone else has come into the picture. That person may be an ex, or someone new whom they find more interesting. If they feel a better connection with that person, they may be willing to just forget about attempting to see/talk to you further- and they'll work on building (or re-building) something with the other person. In this situation it's very unfortunate... but it happens.

Even though many girls (and guys also) may hear the words "I'll call you", and truly hope that person calls, they can reduce any feelings of sadness, depression, and/or disappointment if the person doesn't- by learning to read body language better (their non-verbal cues), and truly listen to HOW the person is talking when they're conversing with you. Do they seem interested? Do they seem bored? Are they truly engaged in a conversation with you? All of this you have to consider when you're on a date with a man.

View related questions: engaged

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A male reader, Daniel the love doctor United States +, writes (14 May 2012):

Daniel the love doctor is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Daniel the love doctor agony auntHi Tsahpina. Thanks for providing your thoughts.

I don't think what you wrote is a fair assessment of all men. Sure there are some men who are jerks... there are even some who are downright liars. But that's not ALL men. Your solution for the situation I believe is not the right way to go.

What you have to understand is that there ARE some men out there who are genuine, some who WILL call you when they say they would, and some who are willing to give you the love and attention that you deserve. In the dating world it's about weeding through the ones that are not for you, learning and adjusting from those experiences, and continuing to search for the right one. Wiser of course, but still just as positive.

Though it may be a challenge, and frustrating at times, you have to believe your Mr. Right is out there for you. And you have to do all you can on your part not only by putting yourself in the environment to meet him, but also by being a great date (should you decide to go on one), and treating him with the same level of respect that you expect in return.

Best wishes to you!

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A female reader, tsahpina  +, writes (12 May 2012):

u should ask men. my answer is cos they are jerks and cowards. but even these losers have their reasons. so ask them. maybe they will have the guts to tell us why. but not to stop it.

we should stop being clowns who believe them. instead we should not give them our phones and let them end the date with these stupid words,and instead tell them ourselves that we shall call them. and then act on it. if we like them we call them after 9 or 13 or 18 day. if not,never. its in our hands to change it. but do we have the guts to be rejected when we call them...

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A male reader, Daniel the love doctor United States +, writes (12 May 2012):

Daniel the love doctor is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Daniel the love doctor agony auntHi Cheers! I'm glad you enjoy reading my articles. :^)

It's not uncommon for guys to try to play things cool and ultimately end up missing out on woman that could've been good for them. Many of them don't realize that they have to strike while the iron is hot! In other words, if there's initial interest before or after a date, then they have to capitalize on that- and not wait too many days or weeks before calling again. But I believe everything happens for a reason. And fortunately your story ended happily because that guy was just another frog who you had to kiss (or come across) before you met your prince. And you have your prince now. And he's someone who I'm sure loves you and give you the attention that you deserve. Thanks for sharing your story.

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A female reader, cheers Indonesia +, writes (11 May 2012):

cheers agony auntHi Daniel.Glad to read your valuable articles again

I'm married.Just to share my experience during courtship.I did encounter the guy,exactly like case no 2. Though only meet once,he says he'll call but never. I think he's not interested as it'd been weeks already.So i move on. One day,he rings me up and eagerly ask me out.I politely turn it down as i've found the right Guy. That's My HUBBY. Cheers

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A male reader, Daniel the love doctor United States +, writes (7 December 2011):

Daniel the love doctor is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Daniel the love doctor agony auntHey Tennisstar88! No they're not arranged in any particular order.

And in response to point #2, as I mentioned, if a man is interested, he will make time (or find a way) to talk. But there are a few people that I've come across that work crazy hours, and don't have a normal social life because of their job. And they have been o.k. with their work schedule- for the simple fact that there wasn't someone else in their life that they needed to give attention to. But once they're looking to date, their schedule starts to become an issue.

But thanks as always for your comments!

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (7 December 2011):

tennisstar88 agony auntCan't argue with 1 and 3....BUT 2....

Unless he's getting blown up in Afghanistan, in the Amazon Rain forest (I doubt there's any cell phone towers), or lying dead in a coffin then there's no excuse for his piss poor communication. The "I'm busy with work" is such a BS excuse. It takes all of 5 seconds to send a text saying, "Hello".

Absolutely right in stating if he likes you he'll make time to call/text.

Just curious are they in a particular order?

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A male reader, Daniel the love doctor United States +, writes (3 December 2011):

Daniel the love doctor is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Daniel the love doctor agony auntThanks Anonymous reader for your comments. I'm sure many women can relate to and agree with what you have to say.

And you're very welcome by the way for the article. I'm glad it was helpful to you. :^)

Best!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2011):

Nice article Doc, helpful to me.

I wish women could see more and read more of their guy's behavior before getting attached to them to avoid being broken hearted in the end. Why do we always deny that there is something wrong with a guy even during the first dates we see him? We are challenged by the fact that we can make HIM interested later, but it never comes.

Phew! If we could spot a player or a guy who is just looking for fun from a mile away, the world will be saved from too many broken hearts and too much tears.

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A male reader, Daniel the love doctor United States +, writes (25 November 2011):

Daniel the love doctor is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Daniel the love doctor agony auntIf he only calls in hopes of being intimate with you, then you've made the right decision to break up with him. And I know it hurts- but you deserve to have a better relationship with someone that's going to love, and want to be with you completely.

So continue to keep the faith... you may find that right guy.

I thank you for sharing your story in relation to this topic, anonymous reader.

Best.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2011):

i broke up with my boyfriend because of this issue. i realised he only calls if he wants sex. so i had to leave. though it hurts.

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