A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my fiance now for almost 4 years, but over the past year he has suddenly started to not trust me. He keeps checking my text messages when I'm not around and he finds out passwords to my e-mail accounts and checks those too. He hates it when I go out with my friends and when I do go he calls and texts all the time to find out what I am up to. Is this normal behaviour? I don't feel it's right that he wants all of my passwords and codes for my e-mail accounts etc. Surely I deserve a little bit of privacy? I have never given him any reason not to trust me. Please can you help?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): He's insecure, plain & simple. Insecure people usually search for a way to validate their insecure feelings. He will continue to infringe upon your privacy until he finds something that he deems bad (even if its something small that he shouldn't get mad about). First he needs to become of aware of his behavior & it is wrong. If he puts even part of the blame for the way he acts on you then you should get out immediately. The reason is because if he sees his behavior as anyone's fault but his own he will exepct other people to change for him & not make any effort on his own. If he can admit that then seek counseling for him. But I can't stress how important it is for women to get away from an insecure parnter. Men should too but men tend to become violent moreso than women.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): You do have a right to privacy, but an exclusive right diminishes when you become a part of someones life.
He may have heard something, and along with your attitude, he has suspicions.
Remember if your not feeling well, or something is bothering you, that over time, this will have an effect on others, especially those close to you, and if your not willing to be honest and open and communicate appropriately, you will have problems like your having with your boyfriend. We all do it at times, just we need a little reminder to be open again in the relationship and don't allow it to drift apart, disconnecting. The most important person in his life is you, and if he senses something different in your behavior, and it doesn't seem like your being forthcoming, he will react. This is a problem when we become to close, but that is what soul mates and partners are suppose be, right?
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A
female
reader, Gena Bullock  +, writes (25 March 2008):
 He's heard something from someone regarding your private life, so he's invading and has major insecurities all of a sudden.
Try to discuss this openly without argument. Let him know that you will not tolerate his behavior any longer. You are not doing anything wrong and love him. (counseling is suggested if this does not work..if you want to try harder)
Or, it could be that he's hiding something and wonders if you're doing the same???? Hey, it goes both ways. Discuss it. Gena
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