A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Trying to cut a long story short. I have had various problems with my Heath since giving birth to my second child 7 months ago. Over the past few weeks I have been suffering with pain down below and this evening it was so bad I couldn’t move from bed. My husband said I should call 111 for advice from which I was told I would receive a call back within 2 hours. Within this time I had fallen asleep, both children had fallen asleep also. When I awoke from the callback I was informed that I needed to be seen straight away. I went to tell my husband, but he’d had a few beers. As in, it was affecting his speech and attitude towards me. Am I wrong to be upset when he knew that I’d likely be going into hospital (as this has happened a few times), knowing that I was struggling to move myself and that he’d be looking after our two children or having to drive me to hospital? The outcome was having a ruptured ovary cyst. Regardless of what was wrong I never heard from him after me struggling to drive myself there. After a few hours I’ve returned home with no communication, not even a message to see if I was ok and fast asleep? http://watch-online.xyz/manifest-s3e2-deadhead/ I know I’m a little dramatic Aries, but I would have not be acting like this if it was the other way round. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (12 April 2021):
 I don't think you're being overly sensitive either.
In future, it might be best to act as if you're a single mum and do what you can for yourself, and seek help from reliable family or friends.
My advice is to not to explain all this to him. Shut him out entirely. He's more likely to notice and try to redeem himself if you're not asking it of him.
He sounds like a tosser.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2021): Hi
He is a complete txxx and an irresponsible txxx that was also not fit to be left looking after 2 young children, let alone his wife that indecently had a serious condition, that he was prepared for by you and the paramedics online. He deliberately made himself UNAVAILABLE, thank your lucky starts he never had to do CPR on you.
I would seriously relook at your future and think hard about what you want it to be like. If he does not learn from this he is a waste of time and will not get better, and if you don't learn from it, expect a life with somebody who is unreliable and can not be depended upon.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2021): Sounds like a total arse to me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2021): Dump the chump.He is not dependable.He is a drunk because when you needed him sober he just could not do it.His drinking was more important than you or your kids.But then you....You left very small children in the control of a drunk.I hope going forward you make better choices of who cares for your children in an emergency.You cannot ever depend on this man in a emergency situation.He has shown you how he is believe it.Sorry but get rid of him your kids come first.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2021): Oh my gosh, NO!!! You are not being oversensitive, and your concern is very much legit!
He was drunk!!! Lets just call it out for what it is! He has kids, and he was not in any control of his faculties. When you have a committed-partner (or spouse) and kids; you have to be prepared for such emergencies at all times. You're not just looking out for yourself, his role as a husband and/or father is to protect and take care of his family. In this very important situation, he failed badly! How can being upset about it be oversensitive??? We've gotten complaints for much less serious situations here on DC!
The very idea of you having to drive "yourself" to the hospital, in excruciating pain. It's outrageous!!! He should be totally ashamed and falling all over himself begging your forgiveness. It might have been better to have called an ambulance; but thank God you were able to get yourself there safely. I don't recommend driving yourself to the hospital when you are in pain. You could have lost consciousness; or a severe pain-attack could have made you lose control of the vehicle.
He was left alone drunk and unconscious, with your children. That in itself is a very serious problem! I will not go into any of the possible scenarios that could have presented!
I recommend from now on you have a close friend or family-member(s) on speed-dial for emergencies! You should have called 111 like he suggested! We're you concerned the police may have been called if they saw what condition he was in, being left alone with your children?
It's somewhat passed the point when simply talking about it would have any serious impact. He'll rationalize by just alluding the the fact everything turned-out okay.
You have to address the possibility that he has a drinking problem. If he drinks until he passes-out, and he's incoherent; it's reasonable to believe he has a drinking problem. He was unable to deal with a medical-emergency; and he was so drunk he didn't even think to check on you. My dear, his not caring isn't the only problem you've got here!
You need to have a serious conversation about him seeking counseling for alcoholism. If he won't consider that, then you should insist on marriage/couple's counseling. If he refuses either, it is because he doesn't care about the relationship; and doesn't fear any consequences, because he thinks you're worried about being stuck alone with kids! Maybe you're afraid that you couldn't fare it on your own? Maybe you'll need child-support and alimony, if worse comes to worse. If you are afraid of that, and insist on keeping him; then you better take some drastic measures to save your relationship and family. Kids do not belong in alcoholic households. Outsiders may make the decision to have them removed, if they know he's always drunk!
If he isn't yet a certified-alcoholic, HE IS FOR SURE A DRUNK!!!
That incident is proof! If you won't even consider a divorce (or breakup)at this point, let me tell you, it may be your only option down the line. If he doesn't work on the excessive drinking; it will become alcoholism.
His drinking and indifference may be an indication he's no longer happy with being with you and tired of taking care of his family. The behavior you described pretty much says so. Everything is being blamed and attributed to the covid shutdowns and confinement; but it is my opinion that's not entirely the case. I think covid exacerbates problems that are already there! You indicated there have been other instances; so put two and two together, and you come-up with all this.
The are only the ultimatums...rehab, counseling, or divorce! That is, assuming Heath is your husband. If he is not, I think having that second kid was the last straw for him. He feels trapped, and he isn't even pretending he wants to be there for you. You have to weigh all the probabilities and assess your relationship as it stands; before you bring a child into a relationship in trouble.
Having babies doesn't save failing-relationships. They are not the way you tether a man who doesn't want to be with you; or he doesn't really want the responsibility and burden of supporting a family. That doesn't mean the baby is the problem; the problem is the man you've chosen to have a baby for.
You own some responsibility for staying with someone you know doesn't care for you; and doesn't show any accountability and regard for his family and the relationship.
If you can't reason with him, I truly hope you have the option of family or someone who will take you in with your kids, temporarily. His drinking will eventually cost him his job; and you may be on your own anyway. Being drunk as he was is a bad sign, sweetheart. Call your family, and make some arrangements for someplace to stay, just incase.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (10 April 2021):
 I don't think that you were being dramatic whatsoever.
He knew it was likely that would have to go to hospital, he know's also there are young children to be looked after. But instead he chose to have a drink, and as a consequence you ended up having to drive yourself to the hospital.
This should have been his responsibility, so this is a very careless and selfish act on his part, say's a lot about the type of person he is.
Knowing you was at the hospital, and you recieved no communication from him, not even to see if your ok is just disgusting.
No way are you being a dramatic Aries, and of course you would not have acted like this if it was the other way around, that is because you are a decent human being and he is a arse.
I'm sorry OP, but i think that you can do better than him, and you deserve to be treated better as well.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 April 2021):
 I don't think you are dramatic at all.
I think it would have made perfect sense for him to stay sober and to take care of the kids while you go to the hospital.
But I'm guessing this isn't new behavior from him?
And if it's not... why have a second child with him? Seems like he isn't a responsible person, partner, or father.
So has he just left you? With a little one and a newborn?
If so, good riddance perhaps? Call family and friends and see if there is someone who can come help out. As your husband is USELESS.
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