A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Kinda long, hope you bear with me...I met a long-time female acquaintance whom I haven't seen for years in a party. We got to talking and updating each other. She's already married, while I was in a long-term lesbian relationship. She is fully aware of this and has even met my girlfriend in one occasion.After the party, we got pretty close. We'd hang out, usually just the two of us. We held hands, throw in a few kisses on the cheek, and some of our common friends identified us with each other. (Something like if I'm there, she won't be far, and vice-versa). After a few months, I realized I was falling in love with her. I tried to resist my feelings but eventually, I just had to tell her. When I told her that, she was surprised, and reminded me of our current relationships with other people. I told her that I was not hoping for anything, but after my revelation, I'd like to know what she felt about it so I could set up boundaries for myself. The tricky part came when she said that she's like to maintain what we are enjoying without any labels and boundaries. I can be even free to date other girls, pointing out a particular girl I'm also known to be close with, (although I immediately replied that I'm not that kind, and that girl she was referring to is only a friend). I agreed since I knew that any relationship with her is hopeless.After that talk, we still hanged out. I noticed that she interchangeably flirts or give me a cold shoulder. One day, she'd be so sweet then the following day, totally cold. Sometime's she'd refer to me as "my .." like she owns me, then call me "friend". I feel like I am hanging on a swinging pendulum. She demands my attention, but once I give it to her, she'd brush me off, though she always give me a reason why she did it. It hurts me, but I never discussed it with her. I kept thinking that I am not in the right position to argue with her since a simple brush off like "we're not in a relationship" reply can put me in my place. Is she a "player"? What is this label-less thingy going on between us? How do I cope with this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (23 February 2012):
 your very welcome :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Mandy,
Thank you for your advice. I appreciate the honesty.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (22 February 2012):
HI
sounds like she is bi-curious and thats all. The hot and cold vibe is probably the day's she feels randy and adventurous, she will want your attention, the days she dont she would rather call you a friend and not be seen as a possible lesbian, she is playing games with your feelings , I would not allow this to conitinue, she either stays your FRIEND ONLY or she fesses up and tells you the truth she likes you too.
It cant be both. But for your sanity I would call it a day and find a women who is comfortable with who she is, and wants ou just as much as you would want her.
hope this helps
Mandy x
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