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*racie2006
writes:My boyfriend is 50, a widower from his second marriage. I'm 48, never married. We met through an online dating service, matching 22 of 22 categories. We have been going out for over a month. We have a great time together. I feel as though he is the one I have been looking for. He is caring and respectful, puts my needs first. He holds my hand constantly, holds me close and we have kissed. He has asked me to meet his parents. Every time we get together it seems our relationship gets stronger. In other words, he gives all the signals that he cares about me in more than a passing fashion. I hid my profile at the online dating site a week or so ago, interested only in pursuing him. However, I see that he still logs in to that dating website daily. Does it typically take a man longer than a woman to realize that he is in love? Why does he keep checking that website? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): In my opinion, it should take both men and women a lot longer than a month to decide if that person is the right one. My wife and I were both once married and divorced. She left her first husband about 3 years before my wife and I split.
She met a nice guy right after she left her first husband and he was good to her. She didn't want to settle on one person that soon and dated other men. She split with him after about 1 1/2 years and dated a few other guys before she started to date me. She split with him because of some of his phobias.
She was the first woman I dated after my first wife and I was not ready to settle on one person and didn't know what I really wanted. I also dated 3 other women over the next 2 years and then just dated my wife. We dated for another 2 years before we both decided that the other was the one we wanted. She had decided that I was the one she wanted much sooner, but then she had more time to get to know other men.
Going slow and dating others was the best decision that either of us made relative to finding a new partner. We were in our mid 30s at the time and are very happy that we waited 6 years to get married. We lived together for 2 years before marriage.
I have no idea what his thoughts are, but if I were him I would not be ready to get into a committed relationship after only 1 month. That doesn't mean that he is not the type of man to be faithful. My wife and I have been very faithful to each other for the past 28 years since I stopped dating other women. Neither of us has ever sought an affair. It should take both men and women time to settle on someone so that they don't make a mistake that they will later regret. If someone falls in love after only 1 month then I think they need to stop back and reflect on what they really are feeling. Is it really love or is it just that they are currently with someone who is nice to be with. However, if he is looking at dating other women, he should be honest with you about his intentions. My wife told her first boyfriend what her intentions and my wife know when I was dating someone else. I never lied to her about what I was doing.
The guy who you are dating should be completely honest with you. If you don't like his intentions then you should also make that known and then both of you have to decide what the future of the relationship is going to be.
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female
reader, mitta  +, writes (25 May 2009):
I think the best thing to do is to ask him about his online activities. It may be scary but tell him that you would like to persue your relationship exclusively and see what he says. You're both too old to play games Id say! And it perfectly reasonable for you to want to know where you stand.
As for your question, men sometimes take a little longer to settle down, they like to know they have gotten the best deal so to speak. So maybe give him another month and see what happens.
But if its causing you pain the way he is acting dont put up with it. Ask him. You know what you want and if he isnt going to give it to you there will be someon else out there who is 100% perfect.
Hope this helps
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): Good Question! Wish I had an answer for you! I have grown to hate dating sites! I doubt if I will ever date a man I have met online!
These sites have made me not trust anyone on them. They are all players! The one's that seem the most sincere are the worst! They are just playing a better game!
Since you feel that he is sincere and honest (to a point) ask him! If you don't want to admit that you checked...just ask him is he is still on there...If he answers honestly, you will know he is sincere...If he lies, you will know!
Possibly, men want to be certain before making a commitment and we...let our hearts rule!
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