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male
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anonymous
writes: Me and my fiancee have been together for 13 months now,we are both in our early 30's,when we met we fell in love very quickly.We are supposed to be moving in together at the end of this year.We are also best friends and have a solid relationship, but lately I feel things have started to get a bit routine and become boring.Its amazing, we tried to break up a few times, but talked for a while and didnt,so decided to stay together. There are our differences and she can be very stubborn in her ways and when I try and talk to her, she accuses me of attacking her. Now, I kind of feel like ending this relationship, but cant imagine life without her as I do love her and she says she loves me but doesnt really show it only sometimes. I am well known with her family and she has met my family only a few times, but wont have anything to do with them anymore with fear that they may not like her. My family have not said this to me ever.This upsets me as she doesnt come over to my house anymore so I am always going to hers. She can be selfish most of the time and is happy with me when everything is going her way, never mind what I want or what Id like!I am kind of scared for the first time in my life as with a new house together and marriage down the road sometime, would I be making a big mistake with this woman? Should 2 people be totally happy and content with each other in order to be ready for committment? Should I say how I feel and tell her what I want for a change in this relationship and if she doesnt like it then should we breakup??Really need help with this situation? Dont know whats the best thing to do!
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (22 September 2006):
 You need to talk to her explaining to her how you are feeling and that you feel that if this can't be resolved you feel that maybe a future together maybe a mistake, a relationship is a two way thing abit of giving and taking from both sides and it's wrong if one is just taking, he needs to listen to you and take on board what you are saying to her and if she loves you she will try her best to understand what you are going through and try to help find a way to solve it together, I wouldn't even think about marrying or anything until this is sorted even if she agrees and says she will make things different you need to see it in action for a while before you can fully trust that things won't revert back to how they are now.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2006): Everything Rach says, and then some!!
You most certainly must tell her how you feel, and the changes you would like to see. Sit her down and talk gently in a non-threatening manner, when both of you are feeling calm and relaxed, so that it is crystal-clear to her (one would hope!) that you are not "attacking" her.
You might also consider getting joint counselling before going forward with plans to move in together, or marry. Important to find a good counsellor you BOTH feel comfortable with, and who will listen and speak with compassion and understanding.
Let us know how it goes!
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A
female
reader, Rachx +, writes (22 September 2006):
U clearly love her but u need to be clear that relationships are about a lot more than just being in love. Relationships compromise, trust, understanding. U say she’s selfish in her ways & stubborn in her thinking - this may be so but if she chooses to share her life with another then these 'trates' have to be addressed in order for it to work. U seriously need to sit down & talk things through with her before u either throw away what could be a perfect relationship, with a little work, or before u go ahead buy a house & marry her to realise 12 months down the line u should have left her in the first place, believe me this will cause much more heart ache for both of u.
Tell her how u feel, that u want more compromise, u need her to interact with your family more & u want her to listen when u have an issue, your not attacking her just pointing out when something she has done upsets or annoys u. Tell her u realise your probably not Mr perfect but u need to be able to talk through issues without this type of reaction.
After talking things through I’m sure you'll know whether there could be light at the end of the tunnel or whether it’s her way or no way. Good luck. x
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A
female
reader, Rachx +, writes (22 September 2006):
You clearly love your partner but you need to be clear that relationships are about a lot more than love. A relationship needs compromise, trust, understanding. You say shes selfish in her ways & stubborn in her thinking - this may be so but if she chooses to share her life with another then these 'trates' have to be addressed in order for it to work. You seriously need to sit down and talk things through with her before you either throw away what could be a perfect relationship, with a little work and compromise, or before you go ahead buy a house and marry her to realise 12 months down the line you should have left her in the first place, believe me this will cause much more heart ache for both of you.
Tell her how you feel, tell her you want more compromise from her, you want her to interact with your family more you want her to listen to you when you have an issue with her, your not attacking her just voicing your opinion or pointing out when something she has done upsets or annoys you. Tell her you realise your probably not mr perfect but you need to be able to talk through issues with her without this type of reaction.
After talking things through Im sure you'll know whether there could be light at the end of the tunnel or whether its her way or no way. Good luck. x
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