A
female
age
30-35,
SweetSmoochy
writes:I made a joke the other day to my boyfriend, and while it was a little sarcastic and crass, it was true. Let me start this off by saying that this site is a wonderful thing, and I have recieved some very valuable advice from it. I've also been touched by other people's needs and have liked trying to help them. there is one thing about this site that bothers me, however. Really, it's more of a thing about society that bothers me, and this site has just made me more aware of it. My joke's context was this: I was telling my boyfreind about a bit of advice I had recieved, and about some things I had talked to others about. I said that at first, I had really enjoyed the site, but I was getting a little tired of telling 13 year olds not to have sex. He chuckled a little sardonically, and said "Kids today" with a mock impression of an elderly shuffle. I've read countless questions about sex and even some about pregnancy, only to be shocked to see the age range of the asker is 13 to 15. 13 to 15. That's a confused, hormone raging early teen at best, and at worst a child, asking questions about their sex lives. It breaks my heart, and that is because I was one of those confused girls. I was one of those kids whose dad was never around, who craved someone, anyone to fill the empty gap of an absent and essential male rolemodel. I was one of those girls who thought that I could make men want me and stay with me for sex and for what I could do to them. I made so many mistakes and put myself in so much danger. I carved massive chasms in my family life as well as my mental health. I found my light just in time, but some of these kids won't I wish someone had told me that what I was doing wasn't the way. I wish I had listened to anyone who tried, but didn't get through. I wish I could tell all these 13-15s what I know now, and that they'd listen! I wish, for at least a few kids, I could make it so they didn't have to learn the hard way. Kids today indeed. Reply to this Article
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female
reader, bhg117  +, writes (27 July 2011):
soo true!! i was one of them too, but luckily (now im 14), I got out just in time.. I can so relate to you, and I know this sound stupid but Im very "ahead" of my age.. my dad left my family too, and, well the whole story.. i just hope more kids will see the truth (:
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2011): You are very young yourself, it says your aged between 16 and 17, i think that you are very wise for your years and i hope that because the advice is from a older teenager they may listen and probably will. Unfortunatly teenagers seem to forget that those who are a little older do have more life skills (sometimes). They seem to think that after 30 you no longer renember what it was like to be young! With any luck these teenagers will listen more carefully to your advice, being so young yourself
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reader, DoubleM +, writes (14 July 2011):
 Well, the fact is, sexual urges begin anytime from about age nine or so, and wisdom and common sense may not emerge for another 20 years, if ever.
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reader, Odds +, writes (14 July 2011):
 @ OP
You're right. While it's not a guarantee by any means, having sex the first time between 12 and 15 years of age means the person is far, far more likely to get STD's, have kids out of wedlock, get divorced after eventually getting married, suffer relationship violence, or have a high partner count (some people might consider that last one a good thing, but I'm not one of them). Besides just being common sense, every study ever done on the subject has confirmed this.
But people can be freakin' stupid, especially at 13, especially when all their role models suck. It's a problem, and I'm not sure how to address it on a large scale. Best I know how to do is deal with it one person at a time.
@ JB
"I just don't understand it when these girls just sleep with endless amounts of guys who don't treat them right and never seem to learn."
There's nothing to learn. They're getting precisely what they want, attention and sex from bad boys. You're coming at this problem with the presumption that girls don't want to be pumped and dumped; the more accurate way to do it would be to consider whether they believe getting that treatment in exchange for attention from the right guys to be a fair trade. If you're getting the desired results, what is there to learn?
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reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 July 2011):
 You do have the chance to tell them you know. You're on here tackling one 13-year old at a time.
I've resorted to inform them about the use of condoms, so that they at least don't mess up and get pregnant on top of it all. Also, remember that while a lot of 13-15 year olds think about having sex, many of them only think, and act later on. I think it is better to think about sex, what it means, what the consequences are, and have a discussion about it, before doing it and then come asking on here how to know if you are pregnant or not. Those are the questions I dread the most. If you were mature enough to have sex you should have also been mature enough to know how conception works and that you need to wear protection and take pregnancy tests.
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reader, JB.  +, writes (13 July 2011):
I totally agree with you, my sister and honestly the majority of my family are or were these girls. I hate it and all the girls I know are pretty much like this because they are the girls I meet through my family.
Usually boys, especially boys in there late teens like me are the people who take advantage of these girls and make them feel special and loved before just moving on to the next girl who thinks that just because they say they love you and will never leave you or cheat on you that they are telling the truth.
This really annoys me too from a boys point of view. Because sex is supposed to be about a true connection, love and feelings not just a few flings and throughout the teenage years usually drunken flings too. I see all these girls every day and here different stories around college and I just think why? There is no need to sleep around and it doesn't make you special, it makes you seem cheap to genuine nice people who would actually want to care for you.
I just don't understand it when these girls just sleep with endless amounts of guys who don't treat them right and never seem to learn. Are they missing the fact that a legal age of sex is there for a reason and that is to try and protect people from these regrets when they reach adulthood and have matured enough to usually regret a lot of what they did.
I really don't understand why they do it and honestly without a true connection why some of these girls do it. I mean 1 night stands at 13 is just wrong! Really really wrong!
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reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (13 July 2011):
SweetSmoochy is verified as being by the original poster of the question Unfortunately. I just don't get it...generally it's painful and/or humiliating, as well as unsatisfying and short.
Yet, we're stupid. Everyone has to go re-invent the wheel. I know I did. Fortunately, I take people's advice now on things instead of curiosity's.
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reader, DoubleM +, writes (13 July 2011):
Well I was one of those "kids" who in 1960 lost my virginity at age 13, to an older girl (age 14) - but I think the damage, if any, fell more on her than me. Then I became highly sexually active at age 16 and eventually fathered a child, which altered my life's course negatively. It's hard to say what could have been if that had not been the case.
It did, however, and my college ambitions suffered despite an SAT score of 1497 and other academic achievements. While I cannot express how much I would like to discourage young teenagers from becoming too sexually active, it is a very hard sell and often falls on deaf ears. It's nothing new . . .
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