A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi.The issue I have is. When I first meet a girl who I am attracted to (yes, only those I am attracted to) I cant seem to hold a conversation.I can approach and start conversations very easily but its keeping the conversation alive long enough to ask for information (phone number, email etc...). The way things seem to be now is. I'll start my conversation, with something simple but I wont be able to say anything more without having a "...uh......*long pause*...." happen making the conversation instantly die and a really akward dead feeling being there.What is it that can be done to help keep a conversation alive? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (27 December 2007):
 What you’re talking about is stage fright. You are probably freezing up because you fear failure.
The usual advice for stage fright is to imagine the audience is naked. But when it’s a girl you’re attracted to, that won’t help; in fact would be a distraction! So you want to go the opposite way…think of her without makeup, maybe some scars, wooden teeth, a few extra pounds and farting like a pig. Well…that’s too extreme too….but what I’m trying to say is you have to picture her as normal, as normal as every other girl or guy you can meet; as normal as your brother or sister. If you can actually engage a girl in a conversation you have a good start, so at least you don’t fear approaching…the next step is keeping her attention and getting the number.
When a girl is giving you their number they are telling you a few things. So let’s analyze this a moment. First thing is they like you; or at least like you in the short amount of time you have engaged them before getting a number. So they are telling you they have a good impression of you at first glance and your conversation hasn’t scared them away yet. When a girl gives you her number they are also telling you they want to spend more time with you, so they are giving you the chance for you to get to know each other and see where it goes. What you have to remember here is that this is all about first impressions, and it’s more than just the conversation that has her attention. It’s also how you present yourself in your appearance, how you compose yourself…and yes to some extent the conversation too.
You know it’s actually possible to stumble through a conversation and still get the number! How is that you say? Maybe she likes the smell of your cologne. Maybe it’s in your smile. Your clothes are neat and ironed and your shoes clean. Maybe she notices and approves of your physique? She likes the way you carry yourself and look her in the eyes when you talk to her, even if it’s B.S. All this is part of First impressions not just the conversation. The conversation could be anything, and usually it really is just B.S. All you are trying to do is connect...and yes get her number.
Getting the number is the objective here right. Then think of that as the objective, not just keeping the conversation alive. Some conversations can just go so far, then its move on the next entertainment…which doesn’t have to be a conversation either. Here’s something I do…magic. I can fake a magic trick to make her laugh. And it doesn’t even have to be a good trick…hell, it can be a totally awful dumb trick, but if it makes her smile that can be as engaging as any conversation. So the trick is to keep her attention. Yes buying her a drink is an attention getter. Talking casually about other people you see or have met in the bar that evening…anything. What I am saying here is be prepared to have a bag of tricks to keep her attention….long enough to get her number. When you get that number you move out of that scene.
Sometimes you can get that number without a big struggle, as long as you come prepared with that good first at-a-glance impression. She sees you, she approves, and you just ask her for her number, you get it. That’s it. You part ways, you talk later.
You don’t have to make this so complicated is all I am trying to say. Relationships are all about going from one scene to the next. Scene one: first impressions, you may talk for a bit and exchange numbers. Scene two: you talk on the phone…that’s where conversation will start to matter more, but even there don’t use all your ammunition on the phone and talk her to death. Just talk a while and set a date. Scene three: your first date….now is where conversation will really matter, and she is going to judge you for more than first impressions. Conversation, good conversation is like a tennis match….you hit the ball to her side; she hits it back to you. You talk she listens, she talks you listen. There’s a certain balance you have to find, and it depends on the personalities involved….maybe she talks more than you and it’s still good.
But let’s get that number first before we get into the intricacies of engaging conversation. The art of getting that number is the art of selling yourself. You have to project the best in you to get her to notice you and then you ask for her number. And even if you promote the very best image you can possible set yourself as….she still might not give you her number, because she doesn’t like the way your nose looks! So live with it. You have to take chances to make chances. Work on improving your image first so that she can’t take her eyes off of you even when the conversation goes flat.
I could say more and coach you through this, but I hope this can help you out. Above all my best advice to you is to be yourself…your best self, to get that number. Good luck my friend.
Peace out!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2007): ASK QUESTIONS! The worst thing a man can do when trying to chat up a women is talk! Just be interested in her and under no circumstances try to impress her. Listen really really carefully to what she's saying and have question stems in your mind...Do you like...?Really, why?How long...?What do you think of ...?Concentrating on her words will stop you obsessing about being attracted to her and asking questions will make you seem interested and lessen the time that you have to spend talking yourself.
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A
male
reader, Tiger-Spirit86  +, writes (27 December 2007):
 What I believe you have here is a confidence problem when it comes to girls you like. My advice here is; Be confident but try not to be over confident. When it comes to chatting with a woman you like they can normally tell you like them within the first couple of words you say, so it's important to make them count and don't be under confident as women tend to pick this up from you, and they wont think twice and kill the conversation there.The best approach for me is to start with somthing simple like; "hi, how ya doin?" They normally answer; "I'm fine, and you?" if they answer and sound interested then keep the conversation going, but don't talk about sport or anything that may associate with men, the girls don't like it much.Show them some sensitivity but not loads as the girl you talk to will think your weak if you're too sensitive.Girls love confidence and hate un-confidence. Remember this one simple rule and you should be fine. When a woman talks back to you, you're half-way there.
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