A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a little confused as to what's going on in my relationship right now. Maybe it's partly my fault but I want you to tell me what you think.Ok, my boyfriend and I have been together for four and a half years so far. I would look at it as being two and a half to three years because for two of those years it was a long distance relationship and we rarely saw each other. Anyway, at first the long-distance was tough but then I guess I got used to it because I didn't mind it as much. I mean, at that time I was very much in love with him but I was in college far away and there was really nothing we could do besides sparce visits until I graduated. Once I did graduate, we were closer and saw each other a lot often which was great for awhile. Then it was time to really buckle down and find a job with my degree. Let's just say that used up a lot of my time and he told me it was like I was back at school because he never got to see me. My future is very important to me and I don't think he understands that.That's another thing, as far as a future, I'm still not sure I understand where he stands. He doesn't even "see" himself marrying me, getting married at all. When I confronted him about it (because I definitely want to be married and raise a family someday) he said he couldn't give me a definite answer at the moment because he didn't want to end up disappointing me or make false promises. At that time, I respected that but now I'm wondering what I'm doing here. I still love him (because he is the sweetest person) but with all this thinking and re-evaluating my life with him in it, I don't think I'm in love with him anymore. I find myself thinking of what it would be like just dating around, I'm 25, my family and friends remind me how I'm still young, too young to feel tied down and stressed. Boy am I stressed....
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (19 October 2008):
At 25 the world is your oyster.
It's the age when you could just settle down, find a nice job somewhere and get married and start a family... or it's the age where you could be enjoying having no kids / mortgage and flying around pushing to get as far as you can as fast as you can in your career to get yourself established in your field.
Either way you should be with a guy who is supportive and pushing you to go as far as you can, and you should be supporting him and helping him to reach his dreams too.
If you are just staying with this guy because you've had no real reason to split up with him then there is a danger you could get stuck in a rut.
Being a single career girl is fabulous. You can truly date and be in control because you know you are and have the confidence to do that. If you want to go husband hunting, you can, and if you want to meet a guy, screw his brains out and then never speak to him again then you can. (Plus everything in between of course.)
If this guy is not offering you what you want... if you aren't in love and planning to settle and marry him one day, or if you aren't great mates who help each other achieve greatness, then what are you hanging around for.
He sounds lovely but could be holding you back from applying for that great job in Alaska / Timbucktoo. Plus it doesn't sound like he's that much in love with you, so it works both ways, you could be stopping him from finding the girl of his dreams because he doesn't feel he has a real reason to split up with you.
Sit him down and have a talk about what you really feel you both get from this. It'll be better to split up as mates and in a good place, than when all the resentment and cheating starts because you are both so bored of each other.
Good Luck!! xx
A
male
reader, dr muthaks  +, writes (19 October 2008):
 girls girls girls you alway nag. Please baby gal, I don't see anything to worry about here. Good things come to those who wait. Don't rush to marry yet, have fun a little. Get a job and chaw your money a little. If he is calling you, telling you every time that he loves you, making time for you if he is free. There is no reason to think otherwise ne love. Just be patient and tell him those things that you think he is not doing them right for him to change.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2008): Hey girl, I think you need to sit back and wonder if this is the guy you want to be with. Make a list of what you want and don't want from a guy. What you truely want. Write down the flaws you are willing to put up with and the ones you really can't stand or know you wouldn't be able to handle.I was in a similar and different situation as you are in now. It was exactly the same amount of time. I thought I loved him but whenever we made out or anything I just didn't find the attraction to him anymore. I felt "bland" about it. I tried to get "solutions" to our problems when I've come to realize those solutions weren't going to happen because he was the problem. I accepted his flaws for a while until I couldn't take them anymore and it was exactly his flaws that caused our ultimate breakup, my falling out of love with him. If you really want a guy who's supportive and willing to be there for you then you're going to have to ask yourself is he the one to do that? Is he willing? If he doesn't want to accept your goals and what you want, why should you accept his feelings and what he wants as the "rule" so to speak. A relationship is about give and take. 50/50 Don't expect more then you're willing to shell out. Hope I helped! Take care
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