A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am a 49 year old woman and I have know the man I am with for 45 years. We were 4 years old when we met. We started dating when I was about 17 years old. We have 3 children. Boy 30, girls 23 and 18. We started living together in 1986. We are still together today but our relationship is strange. For the last 5 years we havenot really slept in the same bed He will fall asleep on the couch while watching tv. To be completely honest I didn't care it just became routine and I got use to it. For the last 6 months he has been sleeping with me but with his head at the foot of the bed. I don't understand whats going on. I wish we could just be a normal couple but I don't know how to fix this or should I leave him and take a chance on finding a normal relationship. We are basically room mates. I would like to discus this with him but I don't know where to begin and I don't want him to think it's about sex. I could care less if I never have sex again. I'ts just about having a normal relationship. I know we care abouy each other but is this enough? Oh by the way we never got married. Can someone please shed some light on this situation? I am so confused.thank-you for taking time to read this.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 April 2009):
 A "normal" couple's relationship usually includes sex, otherwise you certainly are more like roomates. I think both of you really could benift from some marital counseling, as Jessica suggested. I truly believe this is totally fixable. I hope he agrees to the counseling. Keep us posted.
A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (1 April 2009):
 Talk to him, ask him about his behavior and his thoughts on your relationship.
If you would like to work on a "normal' relationship, or at least at getting things back to the way they were, then I would suggest couples counseling. It just sounds like you two have been stuck in a rut, and maybe feel like there isn't anything left, which is common when your kids grow up and leave the "nest". Sometimes you get so used to doing things for your kids that you let your real relationship slide, and suddenly the kids are gone and you realize how bad things have gotten but you don't have the excuse of the kids anymore.
Try counseling. I think it might do wonders for you both. And if you both decide to let go and separate, then ultimately that is best. But talk to him, I think he's wondering the same things that you are.
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (1 April 2009):
 I think the only thing you can do is ask him what the hell is going on. It sounds very strange to me and im sure you're feeling all sorts of confusion and maybe even rejection?For you both to have been together so long and have done so much together he is probably unsure as to what there is left - when your kids leave the home (i dont know if yours have) you can sometimes experience something called empty nest syndrome (http://www.emptynestmoms.com/pages/story21.html) which can make a parent (mother or father) feel like they are at a loose end (for want of a better expression). Perhaps no that your kids are older, you've done everything in life you hd to do, you worked around and for your children and now a lot of the time its just you guys, perhaps it is time to start living again, put some pazzaz and sprkle back into the reltionship, re-discover eachother again?Perhaps your partner is experiencing a midlife crisis? (http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isdivorcethesolution/f/midlifecrisis.htm) which doesnt always happen because of divorce, it can happen while you're together and doesnt always result in the person going out and buying a harley davidson and re-living a youth they never had - sometimes a midlife crisis can result in quiet depression and unhappness even if the person has been happy for many years. I think you have let your partner get away with thi behaviour and now is becomming second nature to him - perhaps he now finds it hard to come to bed normally because he doesnt now how to reverse this odd behaviour without confusing you even more?You HAVE to talk to him, find out the underlying cause of his actions - it may only get worse and distance you both further if you dont. Suggest a weekend away, maybe a romantic dinner, perhaps plan some holidays or take up crazy golf or bowling or something silly but fun you can do together - have a few laughs, let him re-enter the relationship, let him see that there is still life in the both of you yet and lie a little. Maybe take his had and gently hug and kiss him, make him feel wanted and let him know he is wanted the other end of the bed if he wants to move around. Try not to shut yourself off to him or leave him be when he is like this - it will just condone the behaviour and perhaps make it worse. I am not a psychologist, but i think you will be ok - you need support of your own too though, remember that - maybe confide in a close reliable friend for support and take some time for yourself to think - just remember, as he should be co-ersed into remembering, that there are 2 of you in this relationship. Good luck x x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2009): ask him i'm sure he will understand you
or tell him that he doesnt look very comfrtable on the sofa/couch ask him 2 sleep on the bed
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