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female
,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid;I've been involved with a married father of two for over two years. He is now seperated and has custody of the kids. We've had a very off/on relationship (at his choice). It runs in cycles. Just when I begin to move on in my life he comes back saying "we'll be together eventually" or "just hang on, there's a light at the end of the tunnel". Then things are ok for a couple of months .. then he just stops talking to me and then he breaks up with me. I'm so confused. I've met some of his family and both kids. I've tried to get us to do stuff together but he always has excuses. Yet, he goes out with other people (women he claims are friends). When I try to clarify our relationship he says he needs to find himself and doesn't want anyone right now. It seems like he wants me but only on his terms. I know I've probably been a doormat but I honestly thought he loved me. What should I do? I desperately need your advice.
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female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (14 August 2005):
In your heart of hearts you already know the answer to your questions. This man has absolutely no respect for you whatsoever and will continue to treat you like this and leave you dangling on a string for as long as you will allow him to.
You have been "seeing" each other now for over two years. Bear in mind that whilst he was seeing you he was a father and also cheating on his wife. So his fidelty track record is already a poor one. Likewise, you state that you have already met his children, but given the manner that he has disregarded his family, he doesn't seem to care very deeply about their feelings.
Using the line "not wanting anyone right now" is a classic line and a great get-out clause to avoid making a commitment. He evidently doesn't see you as a partner, but as a toy that he can pick up and play with whenever it suits him. And you're not being fair on yourself by letting him treat you like that. He keeps making empty promises to you to keep this "convenient" (for him) arrangement going. He is now separated and by all accounts seems to be relishing the single lifestyle. He is contradicting himself by saying one minute that he will be with you, and the next that he doesn't want you.
You have given him enough opportunities, he cannot give you any plausible excuse now not to date you, and yet he chooses not to. I think it would be wise to cut your losses, and have absolutely no contact with him (because he WILL attempt to persuade you to stay in this half-relationship) in order to regain your self respect.
Best of luck
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