| A
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hello there,I need some help getting over this guy. I wrote yesterday but didn't get much replies. Thing is now we're on a break, but I'm sure he'll break up with me anyway. Ok, so here it goes.We clicked from the beginning, amazing chemistry, amazing sex, everything was awesome. We fell in love quickly. Until one day he asked about my past (which, while tame - I was a virgin - included some guys he knew). I lied because I had this gut feeling he'd react awfully to it. But he asked again and I came clean. And Hell broke loose. He became judgemental of the past, and resentful of the lying. He demanded honesty, and every detail possible. There were things that I had never told anyone, so I hid them. But then I came clean...He broke up with me several times only to regret it later. I've put up with name calling, withdrawing, him ignoring me, etc. However, most of teh time he's a real sweetheart. I guess that's what keeps my hopes up. That he's said a lot of times that he wants this to work out, because I'm "The One".The chemistry is still here, however, lately we'd been having problems. I'm quite sensitive. I've always been a crybaby. Before I even met him. And I've always been a tad insecure. So whenever we argue, most of the time, I end up crying uncontrollably, because sometimes he's mean. And he gets angrier if I cry. He's asked me to stop crying and I find it very difficult to just stop it, I have a hard time controlling my emotions.So, lately he's been hanging out more often with his buddies. This creates a number of issues for me:1) I gave up my friends for him. He knows what me and my friends did when I was single and he made a huge deal out of it (having some cocktails and making out with strangers... sort of polite one night stands). So he thinks I'd do it again if I went out. So I stopped going out to avoid the drama.2) Makes me feel like his friends are more important. 3) He's said he'd cheat to make up for all I've done (however he's said countless times, when I tell him I don't trust him, that he WON'T EVER CHEAT - that's he's only said that out of anger).Now, the other night he said he was going to study, and we'd chat on MSN later. So I waited, and waited, and he never logged on. I called to ask him if he was too busy, to not pressure him and chat another day. When he picked up the phone, he was hanging out with the guys, and I heard a girl laughing. I became a bit upset and he could tell by the tone of my voice so when i asked what was up, he didn't answer and then shut the phone off. A few hours later I called and he told me it was no big deal, that he had just hung out with the guys and the gilr was one of his friend's gf. He told me he loved me and everything was ok.Then yesterday everything was still ok, and he told me how happy he was with me, that he felt we were progressing. But then he told me he didn't really like that I don't trust him, that I have to trust him, etc. I explained the three points above, and he said that still, there's a time and place for everything and that I shouldn't become upst if he hangs out with his friends, or if I hear a female, that I shouldn't be so clingy, and that I was becoming a "controlling witch" (yes, witch). So I started crying over the phone and told me we better have a break because I'm becoming too annoying and he's fed up with me always make scenes and crying and now, being controlling. So now we're in a break, and I'm sure he'll break up with me. I started therapy today (for my self esteem and emotional control issues... it doesn't happen just with him). And I discussed all this with my therapist and he said that my bf has a problem, that I'm a normal girl, that I've done normal things and that he's the one projecting his insecurities and guilt on me. That made me feel better. But now, how do I get over him? It's only been a day and I already feel lonely. I know there's a chance that we might continue the relationship, but I don't want to get my hopes up.
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a break, broke up, fell in love, insecure, msn, one night stand, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, theOC  +, writes (26 June 2008):
He's using the guilt card against you to make you feel bad. Since you feel bad about lying to him, you feel that you owe it up to him, right? So you ditched your friends, you didn't get mad at him when you found out he wasn't studying, you seem give into what he says, and possibly more things you haven't mentioned.
So, before he breaks up with you, I believe that you should break up with him. This guy is a punk and doesn't love you. To get over him takes time. I know that you ditched a lot of your friends, but you must still have some friends left, right? You should keep yourself busy by hanging out with them or pick up some hobbies that you wanted to do, but never got around doing. Best of luck to ya!
A
female
reader, Isabella1974  +, writes (26 June 2008):
 just one other point....
NEVER give up your friends for any guy...its healthy for you to have your own life also and if he cares about you would realise that you need you friends and go out every once and a while with them
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A
female
reader, Isabella1974 +, writes (26 June 2008):
Hi
First off, your past in your past and should remain there, you have nothing to be ashamed of and dont let him make you feel bad for anything you have done prior to dating him. Your gut feeling told you something...well sweetie..go with that, he sounds very controlling and you seem to be slightly scared of him, he sounds like a bully and making you feel bad for something that should not ever concern him.
you should not have to put up with someone who calls you names and only treats you well sometimes.
Your boyfriend is definitely the one with the problem, there is nothing wrong with you, he sounds like he is very insecure, controlling and mean and is not treating you well. You are a very NORMAL girl, you have done nothing to be ashamed of. Your therapist is correct in what she says.
My personal opinion is that you would be better to walk away from this guy, he is not good for you and there are other lovely guys out there who will treat you alot better
Give yourself a bit of time, you will get over him, believe me and you will look back on this and wonder how you ever put up with all this.
you sound like a lovely girl, so be strong and do what you belive is best for you and dont let this guy make you feel insecure or bad about yourself, he is definitely the one with all these problems and trying to pass them to you.
take care and i hope this helped you i some way
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