A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,This is a very long post, sorry about that. I have been with my partner (now husband) for almost 10 years and we have had our share of ups and downs. However we have finally decided to spend the rest of our lives together. Before marriage (not even 1 year yet), we were saving ourselves for each other and for marriage. We used to fondle and all but no intercourse. I'm 30yrs old (so is he) and when I was younger, say early and mid twenties, I was having a wild sexual desire. We couldn't meet each other that often and when we met we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. Before marriage we lived together for about a year and a half, again with no intercourse, just oral, dry humping etc. It was frustrating, I would say. My guy is also very passionate and he looks at other girls, text them , chat with them online and even go out (which he claims very casual friendship) with some of his female friends. I'm not totally ok with that, but i try to live with it.Somehow, we got married, had first time intercourse during our honeymoon and it was so damn painful. I was so scared and frustrated (we both were frustrated). We just couldn't get it in properly for about 2 days, with all the lubrication, foreplay,etc. I guess I was so tensed and nothing would work. Finally we did it and slowly it became better. But the initial trauma made me resent sex for some time. I would still force myself to do it occasionally but sex was nothing compared to what we expected it to be.With time it improved and there have been times i get immense pleasure from intercourse. Since he is so used to orgasming with masturbation, he finds it difficult to cum when he is inside me. He alternates between masturbation and intercourse and manage to orgasm.Now we have another problem. I don't feel turned on most of the time. And he seem impatient with me and does not want to have lengthy foreplay to get me in to the mood. He has always been a very frank person, sometimes too frank. He often tells me to rub my pussy and get wet on my own before he starts to penetrate me. He does give oral, but it just seem like there is no passion.Also, for sometime my fantasies have changed so much. I can't get aroused anymore by thinking of him and me. Probably due to the fact that I know he fancies many many girls sexually, i get turned on only thinking of what he can do with other girls. I know this sounds too weird but it is the truth. And for a newly married couple, and specially for a couple who have started having sex just months ago, we have too less sex. its something like once a week, or even twice a week sometimes. Its eating me out. We have talked about this and he tells me we should not be worried about this. But i feel something is wrong. We must have sex much more often, at least thats what I thought before getting married. But I'm not turned on enough. When he wants it i'm not in the mood, or i have my period. when i want it, he doesn't seem too eager and it puts me off. Its just so frustrating to think that we are wasting our youth without sex! And sometimes when he tries to get an erection just before we have sex, he closes his eyes, and i'm almost sure that he is fantasising about another girl who he has seen or something. I want to get out of this situation. I want us to be tearing our clothes for a hot session of steamy sex, like in the movies. That doesn't seem to happen. I must also add that we are both attractive and definitely above average in terms of looks. We used to be very comfortable talking about how we are going to have sex earlier, and we used to discuss may be a thousand times in detail how we will do sexy things to each other. Now that we have actually started having intercourse, it all seems so unreal, embarrassing and too much of work. What is happening to our lives?Please help. And please don't suggest we break up. Thats not an option. We love each other too much for that. I want to go back to where we were when it comes to passion.Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): Just a quick, off-the-cuff response, but have you tries watching porn together, playing with each other when you do and letting things develop from there?
You might not get to see the end of the film!
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