A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy online about 8 months ago. From the beginning, he seemed head over heels for me but I have already gone through a divorce and just wanted to take things slow and make sure that our relationship was progressing for the right reasons. Plus, we were both very busy and would end up seeing each other like once every 10-12 days. After about 2 months, we ended up having unprotected sex - he told me he had been tested and I also went to get tested before sleeping with him. He even told me that he wanted me to move in with him and implied that he was so serious that he could see us end up together in the long term. Still, he ended up going on this long business trip, bla bla bla, and told me that he simply did not have time to meet relationship expectations because of his job requirements (he is a general manager/vice president of a pretty big company). A couple of months later, he came back, saying that the truth was that he really got freaked out about the strong feelings he had for me and just could not deal with it. We decided to get back together and within another 2 months, same thing. He is too busy to answer my calls or call me back, etc etc. I told him that as much as I wanted to be with him - I actually thought that he was the one for me and I have never felt that way for anyone before, not even my ex-husband - I simply was not willing to stay in a relationship that was not fulfilling any of my needs. I have been missing him like crazy but I felt strongly about my desire to be with a man who could actually find time to be with me.A couple of days ago, I was googling him and found out that he is married! Well, all the evidences that I found online point to that fact even though I do not have an actual strong irrefutable evidence. I am obviously very upset over this: all the lying, the possible STDs, was I one of many, etc.... I have no intention of telling his wife (he has 3 kids) as I do not believe that it is my place (unless I find out that he did indeed give me some bad STD's). I just don't know how/if I should confront him. I can't help thinking that he possibly still cared about me a little bit and that his weird behaviour may have been because he felt conflicted about the situation. AT the same time, I finally got off my anti-depressant two weeks ago after a bad depression that started early 2007. I am scared that I am going to go right back into depression as I have not slept in 4 days... I just need to hear the point of view of people in similar situations: you found out he was married, what did he say, what happened, etc...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, A Cappella +, writes (21 October 2008):
 Well, I don't have the he-was-married experience, but I do have the depression experience.
Dump him. You're much more important than ANY guy. And if he cheats with you, he'd cheat on you someday. His on-again off-again habits are enough to make ANYONE feel insecure, but the fact that he's with someone else makes it so much worse. At heart he's a liar, and you deserve so much better.
Cut him off cold turkey, hold your head up and walk away. If you start to feel down don't let that make it worse. Just take care of yourself as you've learned to do. Good luck hon.
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