A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband cheated on me (more than once) while dating me 2 1/2 yrs. I married him not knowing he had cheated during that time. Do you believe cheaters really can change and only cheat during dating but not cheat after marrying the person?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks Elsie
Yes I told him that exact thing - that his words really hurt my self-esteem.
I remember when I first met him, his 3 brothers couldn't believe he would find someone "as" attractive as me. I'm no Ms. America but I do watch my weight, I take care of my makeup, hair, etc. I have a nice smile (I'm told) and I even got an award at my work for being "happy", nice, and helpful to everyone.
Now flipside - his ex-wife doesn't care if their water pump goes out and they don't have water for a week, wears mens jeans and t-shirts (she even wore this getup to their son's graduation). Here I was dressed up for that special event and she shows up in mens jeans and a t-shirt with a big comb sticking out of the back pocket. I asked my husband if she maybe was gay?!? She does not have a nice smile, she's fought with his brothers' wives to where they couldn't go to any family get-togethers. She also had to quit a job because she couldn't get along with co-workers, etc. So i just don't get how I could have done anything else to make him happy. I was doing everything. I even made his 2 kids all kinds of goodies because I fell for his line that their mother didn't do anything for them.
I am so sorry that you were pregnant and went into labor early all because of your H cheating. That's pretty low of him. I know what you mean about not coming to terms with what he did. I've tried and 4 yrs and 4 counselors later, I just can't accept what he did. It just keeps coming back to haunt me and I'm angry all over again.
A
female
reader, elsie  +, writes (14 May 2007):
 2nd reply.you are absolutely right theres no excuse for people cheating!just asking to see how his mind worked!pretty much the same as every guy who does it.pathetic and unforgivable.i know how you feel,i was 7months pregnant when i found out my EX was cheating.it was horrific and i ended up having the baby early because of the shock.the thing about him saying he didnt cheat before and had no desire to cheat doesnt exactly do wonders for your self-esteem either.i left my ex because i knew i could NEVER come to terms with what he did.you sound strong enough and if you go im sure youll be fine.good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionElsie,
To answer you...
no I don't feel we've gotten to the bottom of "why" he cheated. He's used all different kinds of excuses from saying that I never said "I loved him" - (when in reality I said it everyday....
to having to move from his homestate to my homestate....
to never going out with any other women in his younger days (we are late 40s)except his ex-wife (she apparently was his first).
So I really don't know the real reason why he did it. But in my world if you really love and respect someone, no matter if they are only the 2nd person you've been out with, then you don't cheat on them. You don't have the desire to cheat. I asked him yesterday why he would cheat on me (when I was faithful, loved him, etc.) but his ex-wife cheated on him and he would NEVER think of cheating on her and he said he had no desire to cheat on her. How's that for a kick in the mouth? I really find that I can't stay with him because of his cheating during our dating/engagements days, so thanks everyone for your answers.
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A
female
reader, elsie +, writes (13 May 2007):
if you are going to stay in this marriage just be on your guard for similar circumstances cropping up like when he cheated on you before.have you thrased out why he did this when you were dating?horrible though it sounds maybe they were his last flings before he married you.although still no excuse.good luck.
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A
female
reader, darksecretangel +, writes (12 May 2007):
 HeySome people do change after marriage because they relise that they do have commitments now to follow and a spose to support, and they are truly happy with the one person they have married. However some dont they keep cheating on their sposes and they get away with it. It just all depends on the person your husband is, if you are worried about him cheating on you in marraige.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2007): it all depends on the person
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (11 May 2007):
 Some people always cheat, some people change their ways when they get married, other people never cheat before they get married and then get hooked on it. There are no guarantees with marriage. 2/3 end well 1/3 ends badly. I would say that the most important thing of all is to have no doubts going into it because doubts and mistrust are the fastest ways to kill any relationship
CD
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