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male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Well, I'm on a bit of a downer. I've blown a relationship with a girl that I loved probably more than any other. She had qualities I've never seen in another woman which where so similar to myself. We had so much in common, liked the same things.Just got some good advice for men on relationships that has highlighted everything I did wrong. I've made myself seem like an approval seeking gimp! I always seem to do the wrong thing even though I thought this time I'd do things differently. Not differently enough though, I made lots of mistakes yet again :(At least I know where I went wrong I guess but the pain is bad and I'm getting tired of rejection.I guess it's not all me though, she's never had a relationship longer than 9 months and she's 38. Never had kids and she's not a career girl, she goes out most weekends on the beer.Don't know why I'm doing this, guess I just needed to tell people about it. I'm feeling pretty devastated at the moment and wished I could stop thinking about it so much. Anyone any good ideas on how to do this? All my motivation and drive have gone. I'm finding it hard to do anything at the moment. Add to that I'm only sleeping 4 hours a night cos I keep thinking about how I screwed it up.
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male
reader, Royofthe Rovers  +, writes (31 May 2007):
 You hit the nail on the head with what you said. You have to take the chance. Without question. If you dont try you just dont know..When your in a relationship you owe it to yourself to say the things you mean and want. Without doing this you are a coward to yourself, something i learned the hard way and dont intend to make that mistake again.
Honesty to yourself is just as important as honesty to your partner. As long as we keep learning from our misfortunes and mistakes in life things can only get better.
R
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thing is, I'm afraid that I may do the same again if I end up in that situation. She made me insecure & that insecurity took all my power away, I felt like I couldn't be assertive!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRoy, thanks mate, very wise words that I shall hold on to.I don't subscribe to the notion that something is 'meant to be though'. Unfortunately, relationships seem to be a lot of game playing, the minute you allow the girl to think that she might be better than you and that you're after her, you have to make sure that you sort this out because it WILL become a problem. Maybe not immediately, but in the future it will. A woman always likes to think that the man is above her (subconciously of course).Hopefully I won't make the same mistakes next time. Problem is that when you fall for someone, you tend to put up with stuff and have a fear of saying the wrong thing or reacting badly to something for fear of blowing it. I guess you've just got to take that chance though.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2007): its true time heals everything, maybe use this new free time to spend with friends, go out and have fun,take a trip, the single life can be great if you take advantage of it and just know that if someone was meant to be in your life they will be.
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A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (11 May 2007):
Time is a great healer. You have to stop thinking about the things you could of done and accept your mistakes and learn from them. Dont let those fears overwhelm your future, just over come them.
5 months ago I was in a similiar position with a woman I thought I would marry, but it all turned sour so quickly and even though she was to blame for alot of things, I knew I could of always done more from my side which might of made that difference. That part really killed me off.
I have had a lot of time to put things in perspective and realise what i have to do, you might need the same. Put yourself first now, its hard but focus on you and getting your confidence and self-belief back.
Go out with friends, do the things that give you self-worth and enjoyment. believe me you can only feel this down for so long before you hit rock bottom and no-one knows what that feels like unless they have been there.
us ethe time you have to re-evaluate things and slowly and surely you will find a way to pick yourself up again and she will be a learning step rather than something you think of as a failure.
Chin up mate..
R
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