A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:15 months ago, I met with this man casually in a business meeting (he was newly joined the company and became the major contact since our 1st meeting)...he started to SMS me everyday, and we grew closer to each other. Since he is 20 years older, I didn't realize or I should say I didn't believe he was looking for relationship with me...about 5 months later, things became very clear as he never hide he is interesting in 'courting' me. I have been living apartly with my husband for about 3 years and decided separated about 6 months at that time. He introduced himself as 'divorced middle age cowboy with 2 grown up chilrdren'first, then after I told him about my status, he mentioned his 2nd wife left home and moved back home town where is 600 miles away. So he was 'separated'. We started to date even I was so hesitated because of the concern of business relationship...I was beleiving in that we grew some very special and unique feeling and connection that I have been looking for a very long time (since my dad passed away about 18 yrs ago). I was attractive to his matural, wise and warmth that he was offering through SMS (we talked via SMS all times). Soon later, I started to get hurt feeling because, he started to tell me that he is only looking for girlfriend relationship without expectation and promise....since then, I found myself fighting so hard to proof there must have something real betwee us, other than just an easy fling to him...because I got myself into this relationship very much. As a fact of matter, I didnt ask anything from him, opposite, I have bought some nice gifts for him, because I wanted to do something nice and special to him, it is just pure kindness. Time flies, my struggling continued, because I started to have doubt that he might truely just look for a sex with a much younger woman...so I did Google and found out some info about his family...I was crashed at the moment when I saw the photo of him and his wife was posted on his wife's Facebook. it was taken under Christmas tree at their house and both of them appears happy and smiling, as a lovely couple and happy family. I then questioned him, he then told me that he has been always 'honest' to me that we wont have future. And he still insisted that he is separated other than married...I have been doing my best to lead a decent life...if I would have known that he is a married man, would have never got involved with him......I don't know how long it would take me to go through this hard time, but I know that I was hurt very much...the closest one would hurt you the worst.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGamine, thanks again. I appreciate your wise and kind advices. I believe in myself, I am able to handle the business in a professional way and I should not worry that he would across line in business. I did nothing wrong but him. To tell his wife, I decided to put it on hold. Maybe in the future, when we are not involved in business as much, and myself would not be hurt in any way, I might do it. At another side, I don't know his wife personally, and I don't know exactly what has happened between him and the wife. What I know is he married her 13 yrs ago, when she was single mom and hardly could raise 4 daughters from her ex-husband, fiancially. Now they appear to be living a very comfortable lifestyle and she didn't work for years. I would be a little reserved to tell her because, at somepoints, he at least helped to raise her children even though they were from a previous marriage, and he provided a secure life to all of them. I don't want to take any responsiblity for their potential break-up or similar consequence, because of me. I guess the destiny will take care of that and lead to the right direction. He has texted me on my two cells since Monday, but he only sent 1 short SMS a day telling me my Blackberry and cell are not working...I didn't respond to him. Guess he is getting the point......I think I am recovering even though it's painful, it's kind of hurting deeply from my heart, to convince someone whom I have been very close...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGuess there is misunderstand here - this man is about 20 years older than me. So it's a wrong story between an older man and much younger woman.
He sent SMS to me last night saying why Blackberry messager doesnt work - i removed him from my BB in fact. And I didnt respond to his SMS.
I put on music, cleaned my kitchen, arranging my coming traveling plan for business....now everything is in organization, and my kitcehn is shinning...feel good!
But I would guess he will text me again sometime...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGamine,
Many thanks for your words. It really helps.
Besides going over the hurting at my heart, I have to become even stronger, to deal with him in business. As I mentioned, he was introduced to me as major contact from my customer company (it's a corporate). I am handling multi-projects for them about 2 year now, and still need to do it. But I never mixed up our relationship with business and spoke with him as much as business partner on emails or phones. I kept all private convensation on Blackberry message. I will certainly have to communicate with him for business, frequently, either on emails, meetings or phones.
Right now I really dont know what is to be when I saw him in person again.
And, you are right, I have been glossing over his cold heart with his own excuses of 'we give each other what the spouse can not give'. He has been telling me that his 2 marriages and 1 previous engagement are '3 bad relationships', and his wife left him and moved away. Before we got involved, he was saying he didn't know what they would do next, like file a divorce; after we got involved, he was saying that he doesnt plan a divorce and wants to stay in marriage untill his wife or he find something better because divorce will cause him half properties and retirement account.
I never discuss with / asked him a future, but I have to admit that I did expect to be treated equally as I did on him.
His wife is his second marriage. They have 6 children in total, all from both previous marriages (4 from his wife's ex, and 2 from his ex). All children are grown up and some of them are very close to my age. They are at ages of retirement / middle of 50s.
If someone is active on Facebook and has over 200 friends, it would not be difficult to tell his wife though. BUT, it's me, I am not certain if it would be right thing to do to tell his wife. Why would I do that and what would I expect? Also, I wont mess up my life further, as he must be angry if I would do so, as mention to his wife, it might just a piece of cake to her? As she lives on his paycheck and retirement accounts, and likely a good retirement life is ahead if she remains as his wife.....???
I dont know what's rigth thing to do at this moment.
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