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anonymous
writes: I have been married to my husband for 2 years, I love him very much and I am still attracted to him. When we first started dating we had a great sex life but now I just dont feel like it (I hardly ever feel sexually aroused anymore). I realise that being with someone all the time can reduce the amount of sex you have but it feels like I am never in the mood. When we do have sex it's initially to please my husband, only after he has given me a lot of foreplay (oral sex) do I get 'in the mood'. However sex is almost always uncomfortable even when lubrication is used. Sex can sometimes be painful. Most of the time I do not enjoy it and I think this is what puts me off sex.I have talked to my husband about this and how I feel pain when we have sex and I think it's made things worse...now everytime he tries to penetrate me and he thinks its hurting me his penis becomes soft and we dont end up haing sex at all...he has become more concious of my pain and it's effecting him as well.PLEASE HELP ME!What can I do to improve the situation? What can I do to make sex more comfortable? How can I increase my sexual arousal?
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (25 January 2005):
 Hi there,First and foremost, get thee to a gynecologist. Have him or her check you out for any vaginal infection or inflammation and explain to him or her that in just two years you've gone from a normal sex life to nothing at all, due to discomfort. She's bound to have seen your symptoms presented before this, and will definitely have some suggestions and treatment ideas. Go on. Don't be shy. Once you've done that and eliminated a medical condition as a possibility, explore other non-penetrative sexual activities with your husband, using your mouth, your breasts, your thighs, etc (your imagination is as good as mine and your husband probably has some nifty ideas too). Lots of lubrication is the trick, so get something water-based. Explain to your husband that you need for him to take it slowly with you for a while and that you want to try other types of sex that don't cause you discomfort. Another idea is to delay penetration until the last moment, getting your stimulation from oral sex or sex toys or... whatever. Try different positions where you have more control of the thrust, be that woman-on-top or on your knees or whatever strikes your fancy. Experiment a bit, using the lube when necessary. The point is, if normal sex isn't doing it for you, discover other options that do.One final thought, if you subscribe to the health-food approach to life, both the mineral zinc and the supplement cod liver oil are supposed to help provide nutrients that will enhance your interest in sex. Worth a try, I suppose.Hope this helps.
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