A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been together with my bf for about 2 years now. The last time I went to see him something happened that I can't stop thinking about. One night when we went to have sex I guess he decided he wanted to try anal. There was no talking about it first, or any preparation.. no nothing. It was agonizing and I started to sob, say no repeatedly and tried to shove him off, but he didn't stop until he was done. He reached up to take my hand when I started crying though like it would help. Afterwards he laid beside me with his hand on my back for a minute because I was still crying before going into the bathroom. I won't go into any more graphic detail but that night I didn't sleep at all due to a combination of the pain and wondering what happened. The next day he thought it was pretty funny, especially when he would slap my butt and I would jump away to keep it from hurting. For the next week or so I couldn't go to the bathroom at all without bursting into tears it hurt so bad.When I brought it up again a little while later he attributed it to an attempt at anal gone bad and asked why I didn't tell him to stop. Crying/struggling and all that is a pretty clear sign to stop last time I checked? Anyway, I don't know what to do anymore. It happened a few months ago but I still think about it sometimes. I never really thought he was a bad guy or anything but what the hell was all that about? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (20 January 2010):
 Frankly speaking I wonder about this statement of yours,'I never really thought he was a bad guy or anything but what the hell was all that'
In my opinion he is most insensitive person. He at all fail to judge that the thing is going to be worse, on his own. However if you think that he was not bad, then you must have seen some higher quality in him, which is not mentioned in your question, so we cannot give any moral judgment about the event. But, I must say, anal sex is not at all a sexy play. There is no game point save only loss point.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): I am very sorry to read this. I know how anal can be very painful indeed unless you are very careful, especially if it the first time you have done it and not prepared. Your boyf is an idiot who seems to show no regard whatsoever. This is very wrong of him; my fiance is always checking that I am ok or whatever when we have sex, and it's very important to be in tune with the other person. your boyf should have asked you first to begin with, and secondly if he detected anything wrong he should have stopped immediately. I think he is a jerk. You need to really talk this through with him, even if it was a while ago, and make it plain how you feel. I would feel violated if i were you. I can't believe he saw you sobbing and carried on....I think this may be grounds to leave him, yes, but talk things through and let him know how you feel. He has been completely thoughtless and probably doesn't even realise, don't let it get swept under the carpet.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (20 January 2010):
 She may not have used the word 'stop' , ..but she did say "I started to sob, say no repeatedly and tried to shove him off".
She made her wishes abundantly clear. She was objecting both physially and verbally, and where I come from NO means NO!
This jerk has no point whatsoever!
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A
male
reader, Ciaran789  +, writes (20 January 2010):
Regardless of what me and my girlfriend are doing, if i even suspect she is in pain, i stop and make sure she is ok. this guy of yours seems like a bit of a di*k to be honest.
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A
female
reader, rose the relationship solver  +, writes (20 January 2010):
 i dont kno wether id call it rape coz it was not vaginal intercourse but he did sexually violate u and he should of asked. yes he should of stopped, crying and trying to not let him is a sign sayin no. try and talk to some1 u reli trust or if u cant handle it leave him good luck x
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (20 January 2010):
 Damn hmmm your guy must be a breed of human called an Idiot,
he does have a point though, did you ever ask him to stop maybe he expected it to be painful and aslong as you didnt ask him to stop it ment it would be ok.
Im not trying to justify what he did but it just seems like you could have put up more of a fight to prevent this, you weren't tied up or unconscious you didnt run away you just laid there and let this guy do this.
I wasnt there thanK God so i dont know any more details then what you give but it seems to me maybe you let him to do this your just surprised to be in so much pain.
I dont think i would call this rape it wouldnt do justice to those women who are actually raped, its definatly a sexual violation he should have discussed his intent with you and made sure you where a willing participant, the things is though why the hell are you still with this guy! is his penis made of gold does he sweat diamonds, thats a question you really need to be asking your self goodluck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): absolutely, this is not acceptable. you might not have said the words stop..i dont know but someone who loves you will not laugh at your pain. and they do not knowingly continue to cause you pain. i have had anal and it is extremely excrutiating even with gentleness and lots of lube .... i would not stay another day in this relationship. my best to you honey, mal
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A
female
reader, Not My Name +, writes (20 January 2010):
An attempt at anal gone bad? ....hun, it did not go bad, it STARTED bad the second he decided to anally rape you. Yes rape - He did not have your consent and he ignored you saying no and trying to shove him off you!
As if that was not bad enough, he had no regard for the pain he was causing, no regard for the injury you needlessly sustained by him not using lube, no regard for the mental and emotional damage he was causing ...then he further disrespected you by laughing at something that traumatized you so much you were sobbing, then slaps you where you are sore to top it off.
He is a low life arsehole who does not respect you, and if two wrongs made a right I would tell you to shove a big vibrator up his arse and give him a glimpse of what he did to you. However, who would want to stoop to his level, so what you should do is end the relationship and have a serious think about pressing charges.
If you are not going to end the relationship, then besides pitying you for allowing yourself to stay with someone who disrespects you in the worst possible way, I would urge you to have a serious talk with him and make sure you get it through his head that what he did to you was NOT ok, that he is never to do that again without your consent (tho you would be mad to say ok to him coz he has already shown he will not take it easy or stop if it is hurting you) and that if he does you would be well within your rights to have him charged with rape and thrown into jail.
I am sorry this happened to you. Please dont stay in a situation where it could happen to you again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): This is horrible, and I am sorry it happened to you. This is definitely sexual assault, it doesn't matter if he's your on/off boyfriend. You said no. But just to let you know, the next time something like that happens, you should bite, pull, kick, and fight back, and you should not be afraid to.
You should also sue him for this or at least report it to the police because this type of behavior is not acceptable but often goes unreported, leaving a lot of women with long-term physical and emotional suffering. You need to stop seeing him because he will just abuse you again, plus the fact that he tried to slap your ass the next day and joke about it is not funny at all.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (19 January 2010):
That was called rape.
Leave him. Don't look back.
When a guy doesn't give a crap that he's hurt you then you do not spend a second longer with him.
It's up to you if you press charges or not.
Good Luck!! xx
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