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Just a friend...

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 July 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 1 July 2009)
A male United States age , *eedInput writes:

I'm a 45 year old man who has been married for 18 years. We tried to have kids but it never happened since she waited until he late 30's (we're the same age). So I really missed out on the family that marriage is supposed to provide - you know, crazy kids and lotsa love. Anyhow as time went on I found other interests and she didn't share them (skiing, golf, dumb jokes, etc) and in one outdoor club I met a beautiful woman (V) who was everything I wanted in a woman based on what I want now ... that was 6 years ago and her and I have been very good friends since then and we had an emotional affair since then. V has always stayed a bit away since I am married, but I've loved her for years now. V loves me too but says she's not "in love" with me and still dates other guys.

Since I spend soo much time emailing her and dreaming we're together I figured I should look into a divorce which would kill my loving wife. Anyhow, I took a 4 day trip (sold as 'just friends') with V two weeks ago and we (for the first time) made love all weekend long and it was the best ever for me and I want her even more. I always hoped it would happen and it finally did. Now she wants to see me more but still date guys and just today she said she thinks she has a crush on another guy.

If she said she really loved me and wanted me then I would get a divorce and break my good wife's heart since I would then look with anticipation to my future, but she (I think) doesn't love me or believe me so she says she will still date. I don't want to hurt my wife if there's no chance that this girl will really want me - and my marriage is (I think) better than being single and alone...what should I do?? I guess I can ignore V, wait for V, get a divorce and hope or just keep the status quo.

View related questions: affair, crush, divorce

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009):

wow you really do have a lot of choices now don't you. top of the world, huh? well lots of words come to mind regarding you and your V but i am sure you wouldn't mind hearing a few - how about despicable, cunning, self centred, unfaithful, sod. my list goes on lets stop here, shall we.

just a friend - wow, friends don't f*ck friends. your V is just there for the thrill, a 4 day trip of sex sun and excitment. i wonder whether you still get it up for your wife? or only for V. please GET A DIVORCE, you deserve this. why should your wife suffer with a fool who is going through a mid life crises anyway. your V is nothing more than a distraction. with so much of free time on your wifes hand i am hoping she is having the sex of her life with another man, who has balls enough to be a real man. you and v are welcome to each other. infidelity breeds infidelity. you will find out the hard way. be prepared to spend your golden years alone.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009):

You've already hurt your wife.

You are behaving in a dishonourable and selfish way. You have broken the solemn vows you made to your wife, when she's done absolutely nothing to deserve it. You did it to scratch an itch. You want it all to go your way, and you're concerned that the woman you're having an affair with want's it all *her* way.

Get a divorce. Whether V goes for you or not, your wife does not deserve this treatment and will be better off without you.

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