A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I want a bit of help with this situation please!!I have a guy friend who I get on very well with. A few comments he has made have made me think that he may have liked me as more than a friend. I knew that he liked someone but he wouldn't tell me who. People have commented asked both of us if we go out/like each other/told us individually that we should go out. I don't really know how I feel, when he has made comments I've kind of laughed it off and joked that it would be incest as I saw him definitely just as a "brother" at that stage.Now all of a sudden he has changed, he doesn't seem to want to spend much time with me and he has been really quiet. When I ask him if he's ok he just says, yea, he's fine. He still talks about some personal things but not like we used to. It's really starting to get to me that he is like this as usually I really enjoy his company, but now I just feel worried.Is it just a passing phase? Does he actually like me? Did he like me and he just got put off by my joking etc.? What do you think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2011): Hi everyone, it is me, the poster. We are actually still very good friends. He has been good again lately, although because he saw the last Harry Potter he has decided he now needs to be mature and so he was very quiet for a couple of days.Our mutual friend today kept saying things like "you guys would be such a cute couple" etc. So I guess he must like me. And I think I like him, but I will take your advice and definitely not lead him on. He knows our differences, particularly in beliefs will make things tough and I think that may be one reason why he hasn't made a move (he was saying how a certain guy needs to toughen up and ask a certain girl out, so I don't think it is because he is too chicken himself)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011): Sounds like he had a major crush on you and had his hopes shattered when you told him you saw him as brother.
You were actually pretty clear in your post too that you only see him as a friend I don't know why the other posters are telling you to go for it. If you were interested you'd have no doubts OP.
He does like you a lot so you have to make your mind up what you want before you decide to do something about it. Look he deserves a friend that will respect his feelings, so don't be one of these girls who will lead him on until she's made her mind up. It's simple if you're not sure then you're not interested in him in that way and you wouldn't have said he was like a brother if you had any romantic feelings for him because you don't romance your brothers do you?
Just accept that perhaps the only reason he was that close to you because he wanted to get with you, the reason you got on so well together was this exact reason too. The fact he knows he can't have you now changes things, you probably won't be as close anymore.
I say again OP, don't be one of those girls that will lead him on because you want him as a close friend still, that will just hurt him and no friend should do that to another.
If you are interested in him and you're certain that you are then by all means go for it. But please don't be selfish in this, do consider his feelings here it's not nice to be hung up on someone who doesn't feel the same way but it's a million times worse when that person says they might but they're not sure.
When you like someone there is no uncertainty.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (20 July 2011):
 He didn't take it as a joke; he took it seriously.
He thinks you aren't interested in him as a man now! You didn't just put him in the friend zone, you put him in the brother category. Yikes. Brutal.
If YOU are interested - you need to find a way to take back what you said and you might have to actually make the first move here to convince HIM that you actually are open to being courted by him.
The fact that you wrote a letter to an Agony Aunt site pretty much points to the fact that you ARE interested in dating him; otherwise you wouldn't be agonizing over this.
Go talk with him and sort it out! Good Luck!
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