A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for about 1 year and a half almost and we live together for a year as well and i am very jealous and everytime we go out anywere i catch him looking a girls butt i think that maybe its me and i think that all guys do that because i have tested it out with his dad or other guys ive seen and they all do the same thing if they see a pretty girl they stare at her and look at her butt and i cant help that i am so jealous extremly like i look at my boyfriend a girl passes by and make sure he is not looking and we fight a lot over that he screams in my face and says im sick in the head i know it sounds bad its just i cant help him looking at anybody if its not me. what can i do to help this problem that is runing our relationship we cant even go to the store without fighting or to a girls dressing room because theirs girls their and he starts looking and i get really upset. i am trying to see a councelor next week. can any one help?
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male
reader, Abass Abassi  +, writes (10 February 2011):
Let me say in three statments, and then you can understand who is wrong.1: if he just glances, as a normal guy and you flip then your mistake...2: if he stares at her, and looking strange (with sex eyes) then his mistake.3: You really don't know, and are kind of confused. If it is normal one, or something else, means you're between first and second case.don't say you are jealous in the second case, everyone will react same, but if it is the first case, then obviously you are not doing wellhow about third case? In third case you had better consult with a counselor or talk to him directly. That this is your gut feeling. If he truly loves you, and is not a flirting guy, then would he reply in such a manner that will please and relieve you a lot? It is all upon us, how we make our partners happy if we really mean to do so?hope it helped.
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 I think the counselor will be able to help. You may be having issues with your own self-esteem. Confident women rarely get this jealous over casual glances their men make in the direction of other women. But we all have our own level of comfort and our breaking points. Some of it comes with age because with age gives you confidence. You get your degree, you land a career, and you grow up. You suddenly realize you are a beautiful, sexy woman and other beautiful women no longer seem like such a threat. No, we don't relish the idea that our man glances at other women, but hopefully if your man loves and respects you, it will only be a glance not a full-on stare with a little bit a drool. That would make any woman mad. So there has to be give-and-take on both your parts. You can't flip out every time his eyes wander and he can't act like a sex-crazed man who's never seen another woman.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): You're insecure. And that's fine. I am too. Men look at women. That's just the way it is. Women look at men. It's fun. They're great to look at. But just because your boyfriend glances at that cute blonde's butt or even that old woman's cleavage doesn't necessarily mean that your boyfriend wants to get with her. It doesn't mean that he thinks you're ugly or fat or even that the brunette in the little tank top is cuter than you! It just means that he's a guy. That's it. You will never, NEVER have a happy, trusting, jealousy-free relationship with anybody unless you are happy with yourself. Your boyfriend is with you because he wants to be. But if you can't make peace with yourself and contain all of your jealousy, chances are he won't want to be with you anymore.
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