A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship with this girl for a little more than 4 months. Although we have some differences, the feelings we are growing for each other seem to be very strong. I'm aware that 4 months is not that much time but we spend a lot of time together and she has told me several times that she loves/trusts/enjoys me more than anyone she was with before, and I have to confess I very in love with her. She has been very adventurous, sexually speaking, and has much more experience than I have. She also has had many threesomes in the past (MFM and FMF). Although I have fantasized with threesomes, they are something that I wouldn't ask her to do because I'm not sure if I would be able to manage it. She has also told me that it is not something that she would seek in our relationship and that she is ok if she don't have them anymore. I know that she fantasize with group sex, and although she doesn't watch much porn, all that she watch is gangbangs and threesomes double penetration stuff... even in the Erotica Literature that she reads, the main topic is always group sex... she has told me that she is not interested in watch or read one-on-one (twosome?) porn. One night, trying to connect with those group sex related fantasies (that are not that much of a fantasy for her anymore, since she has had plenty) I started asking her about them, while we were having sex, in an attempt to connect with that part of her desires... She totally refused to describe her fantasies because she felt (and keep feeling) shy about them. I felt pretty sad/mad because she has shared that interest "in the flesh" with many random people in her past but won't even describe it to me in detail... I feel very jealous about it...The other issue we have is that she keeps pictures in which she is having sex with some of her ex boyfriends...I told her that I wasn't comfortable with that and that I would prefer her to eliminate them or to show them to me while casually describing the context (besides the fact she was having sex at the time, of course) to give me a sense of easiness about how she feels about them. Later, my desire of seeing those pictures increased more and more. I really feel that if I see them and we talk about them I will be able to just take it as a part of her past...She says she is not sure is a good idea and that would like to know the opinion of someone else... that is why I am writing this.So my questions:Am I too wrong about being jealous about her negative to share her group sex fantasies, knowing that she has put them in practice many times in the past?Is it a bad idea to see her sex pictures?? Is it a sick idea? Do I need unprofessional help? (who knows...maybe...)Do I have any chance of giving her fulfilling sex, knowing that she mainly (maybe only) fantasize with group sex?I will really appreciate your feedback guys.Regards
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her ex, her past, jealous, porn, sexual past, shy, threesome Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both, Ciar and Anonymous Reader for the wise advise.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (8 March 2012):
 Seeking detailed information and trying to look at photos of her sexual exploits is a very, very bad idea.
You're jealous because you feel excluded from something and the fact that she won't relive those events for you excludes you even more. Naturally you assume that being privy to the details will give you some sense of inclusion and therefore ease your jealousy. That is the trap.
The fact is the more you know, the more bothered you'll be. This is not some higher calling she and others are part of that you aren't. It was merely something she did, something you could have done too, but chose not to (for reasons that are probably at the core of your envy). You're really not excluded from anything.
Another valid reason she has for not telling you about her history really the most important one, is that past belongs to her and she isn't obliged to share it (she's shared too much already - very foolish of her). In your eagerness to know you will end up hijacking it and making it for and about you.
I can understand keeping some photos of one's past as keepsakes and nothing more, but those kinds of pictures are a bit offside. You cannot force her to destroy them. All you can do is decide whether or not you want to remain with someone you know values that sort of thing.
So to answer your questions:
You're entitled to feel whatever you feel, but understand that just becausxe she did something with someone else does not mean she has to do it with you or tell you about it.
Vey, very bad idea to hear the details and see the pictures.
It certainly is possible to for her to have very satisfying one on one sex. She may use group encounters as masturbation fodder, but she dates only one man at a time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2012): Ok, well as for the jealousy because she won't share with you her group sex fantasies. I don't think it is going to help you knowing them at all. In fact, I think it will only feed your jealousy. I have fantasies I haven't told my boyfriend simply because they are just that fantasies, I am more than happy just being with him.Is it a bad idea to see her sex pictures, hell yes it's a REALLY bad idea, your only going to be even more jealous and have these pictures stuck in your head, which will cause you even more hurt and jealousy. I think you need professional help for your insecurities or you will drive yourself insane.It doesn't matter what she fantasizes about, you CAN give her fulfilling sex because she loves YOU. A fantasy is just that, a fantasy! Something you think about, it doesn't mean you can't enjoy and be satisfied by sex that doesn't reflect that fantasy. If it did I would never have enjoyed sex at all. The thing is that as women, when we are in a happy and healthy relationship, we are satisfied because we are with the man we love, not because he is playing out some role that we have made up in a story in our mind.Whatever her past is, doesn't mean that she can't enjoy what you have or do together. I suggest you stop pushing for details about what she has done before, because you are only going to drive yourself crazy and eventually you may push her away, and then you may become a part of her past. Is it really worth risking that? Get some professional help for your insecurities. Good Luck
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