A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:MODERATOR'S NOTE: Two questions from same asker combined:Q: 1I am deeply in love with my boyfriend and bestfriend, will call him Victor. Victor and I are quite compatible, so for the most part things rolls along smoothly, but I do have a problem with my jealousy, that doesn't immediately threaten our relationship, but if improved on could fortify it. He has never cheated on me, I just know it, nor has he ever gave me a reason to think he has, but I'm still jealous of him having female friends. There were a couple sluts who came onto him, but he cut off contact with them, with my full endorsement, but I'd like to think it was his own decision. The rest of the girls are nice and there is one in particular who I'm quite friendly with myself, so it isn't them, it is him talking, spends time with, and gets and gives attention to and from other girls that bothers me, I'm a greedy person who wants whats mine all to myself, but I don't want to take away people that he cares about, even if I'm not exactly thrilled that I'm not the only thing under the sun he cares about.I'm afraid my jealousy will damage the thing most important to me, I'm becoming my own worst enemy, how can I fight my own jealous tendencies?Q: 2Me and my boyfriend plan to make love sometime soon and because he isn't that keen on using condoms and I'm okay with not using them because I trust him not to cheat on me, we were each other first everything, and I rather like the idea of him cumming inside of me. Since we don't want to have a child just yet and I have very heavy and erratic periods I'd like to go on the pill.I'm fairly sure she will help me get it, but I'm unsure as to what would be the best way to approach her, how to phrase it, etc., my question to all you Moms out there is what would be the best way to broach the subject and how would you react to the request?
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cheated on me, condom, jealous, period, the pill Reply to this Question
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female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (16 October 2010):
 Not sure you can get HPV from a handshake, but many many people have the virus and have no symptoms, but the form of virus that they have is not the same one that causes cancers. There are 42 strains of the HPV virus that does and it can even live on a toilet seat for a few hours.
The most effective way to contract this virus is through oral genital contact, genital to genital contact and anal to genital contact...so sex. The risks factor is actually your age. No one really knows why this is in fact, but the risks for contracting the virus goes way down after you are around 21 or so, or in other words, mature.
Maturity is not something a person is born with. Temperament and personality yes, but not maturity. You may be grounded for your age, but your brain is not even fully developed in the frontal cortex until age 25, those are the centers in your brain that are responsible for judgement. So you don't even mentally have the capacity to always make the best judgements, doesn't mean you don't have feelings or intuition about something.
Three years is a long time to date one guy, personally I think it is rather limiting and unhealthy for you..you have never been a single person on your own without a boyfriend and that's sad for you. What you are describing is dependency in fact, not love...and the gut feeling that you have about him being the one is pretty much crap, sorry....it may be a feeling that he is a safe person to be around and that is good, but gut feelings do not guarantee us that any one person is the right one for us.
You will change drastically in the next five years, in the next ten and so will he. It is highly unlikely that this relationship will last forever and if it ends in marriage, the odds are very high that you will end up divorced...simply because you were so young when you started out. There are exceptions of course, but in my experience these types of romantic relationships are very troubled and can end up going through periods of abuse....it certainly isn't something I would chose for myself.
As far as the sex thing, that is entirely your decision, and there is only one way to ask your mother....Ask her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the reply.
"Question no 2. Tell your mother that you want to have sex with your boyfriend and to make an appointment with your doctor to have a physical and get on birth control."
That is what I'm planning to do, I just need to get the balls up to say it, as we aren't that close.
"Understand one thing. Having sex at your young age puts you at a very high risk of contracting HPV, a virus that is one of the most common human viruses there is, it can even live under your boyfriends fingernails. The HPV virus can lead to oral, anal and cervical cancers. You don't have to have had sex with more than one partner, nor does he, and it isn't caused by promiscuity. Condoms do not protect against this virus. Not using condoms can leave you vulnerable to contracting other STDs, some of which have no symptoms like chlamydia, which if left untreated can lead to sterility in you!"
You can contract HPV innocently? Like by a handshake? I have Poly-Cystic Ovary Syndrome, so I already plan to adopt.
"Personally, if you were my daughter I would strongly advise you to wait to have sex for health reasons and for reasons of lack of maturity, lack of stability in your relationship, and for the mere fact that your current boyfriend is really wanting one thing from you and that is sex. This isn't going to be the man that you will marry in all likelihood...he's too young to be able to provide for you and a family, you both are in no position to have a serious relationship."
I think of maturity as something set at birth, a person may become more experienced, but their basic level of maturity will be the same at any age. My relationship is pretty stable at the moment. I know he wants sex, as do I, but I really don't believe he would have stayed with me for coming on three years without sex when there are girls who will sleep with you hours after you meet if I didn't have something else he really wants. Have you ever just had a feeling about something? There was literally a resonance in my gut and a voice in my head saying he is the "one" when I met him, and I'm person who believes strongly in intuition.
He graduated last year and makes a pretty good salary, he is not rich by any means, but he could provide for me and a baby if we live frugally, which I'm already used to, He has an apartment and we plan to move in together after I graduate this year, I just don't want a baby until I get my BA so I'll have something to fall back on.
However, ultimately this decision is entirely up to you. We can't tell you how your mother will react or how you can best manipulate her into getting you birth control. She will tell you her opinion and she will do what she thinks is best for HER daughter.
You are probably right.
"Q 1 As far as your jealousy goes, you may have a reason to be jealous. Your boyfriend is a young single boy, he likes female attention, he isn't ready to be married to you which makes him a single man no matter what your label is to him so yes he has the opportunity and the propensity to cheat no matter how strongly you want to believe otherwise."
He has never given me reason to be jealous, always calls, doesn't put himself in positions were he is alone with another girl, is where he says he is (I checked), etc., my jealousy is more an internal issue that I want to work on to improve myself.
"At your age, I think you both should cheat and by that I mean date multiple people and keep your knickers on in the process. There is plenty of time to grow up and have adult relationships and have sex. Once you decide to give the most intimate part of yourself to someone who is not your husband or your life partner, you can never change that back....and are you ready to start that chapter of your life?"
I just can't do that, I've never been interested in more than one person at the same time, my heart just wont work that way, believe me, I wish I could be a casual person, could have casual friends, could date around maybe even sleep around, but I know that would tear me up on the inside, I'm serious and easily attached person who is only capable of being into one person at a time, if I don't honor that about myself I am going to get hurt. Well, naive as may sound I genuinely believe he is my life partner, I wouldn't consider sex otherwise. How do I know this? I just know, on a gut level, like there is a fist in my stomach that murmurs, and if I pay attention I can hear it, it is most never wrong and I always regret not following it.
Thank you again, you have really helped me sort my own feelings, J.
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (16 October 2010):
Question no 2. Tell your mother that you want to have sex with your boyfriend and to make an appointment with your doctor to have a physical and get on birth control.
Understand one thing. Having sex at your young age puts you at a very high risk of contracting HPV, a virus that is one of the most common human viruses there is, it can even live under your boyfriends fingernails. The HPV virus can lead to oral, anal and cervical cancers. You don't have to have had sex with more than one partner, nor does he, and it isn't caused by promiscuity. Condoms do not protect against this virus. Not using condoms can leave you vulnerable to contracting other STDs, some of which have no symptoms like chlamydia, which if left untreated can lead to sterility in you!
Personally, if you were my daughter I would strongly advise you to wait to have sex for health reasons and for reasons of lack of maturity, lack of stability in your relationship, and for the mere fact that your current boyfriend is really wanting one thing from you and that is sex. This isn't going to be the man that you will marry in all likelihood...he's too young to be able to provide for you and a family, you both are in no position to have a serious relationship.
However, ultimately this decision is entirely up to you. We can't tell you how your mother will react or how you can best manipulate her into getting you birth control. She will tell you her opinion and she will do what she thinks is best for HER daughter.
Q 1 As far as your jealousy goes, you may have a reason to be jealous. Your boyfriend is a young single boy, he likes female attention, he isn't ready to be married to you which makes him a single man no matter what your label is to him so yes he has the opportunity and the propensity to cheat no matter how strongly you want to believe otherwise.
At your age, I think you both should cheat and by that I mean date multiple people and keep your knickers on in the process. There is plenty of time to grow up and have adult relationships and have sex. Once you decide to give the most intimate part of yourself to someone who is not your husband or your life partner, you can never change that back....and are you ready to start that chapter of your life?
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