A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:MODERATOR'S NOTE: TWO questions from same asker combined.Q: 1I'm in a long distance relationship with my bf. We met each other during our exchange studies, spent more than half a year physically together. This is my first serious relationship and I'm quite confused at times.Anyway, me and my bf had a huge fight a month ago, which is one month since we were apart. It's mainly because of our time difference, we cannot talk as we want, also we misunderstood each other words. After not talking with my bf for a week, we admitted that we miss each other a lot and get back together. I tried to understand him for not able to talk when I want (cos my timezone is 6 hrs ahead, so when I want to talk to him at night, he's at the busiest time of the day). Also I tried to remind myself that he loves me when he doesn't reply my text or call cos he can't afford international call/ too many texting. I tried to get over with the fact that I'm always the one who initiate contacts cos most of the time when he knows I want to talk, he'll go on skype once he has the chance and still maintain contact with me everyday.But still there're times that I've doubt in this relationship as I'm the always one who make the effort to initiate call and spend on calling/texting. Also I feel like he didn't really try to understand why I was sad before, I don't need him to agree with me, but at least try to understand. But overall, I'm happier than before after our fight. I understand why he got frustrated before and I stop picking at things that he couldn't reach my expectations.People around me have different opinions in my relationship, I know I shouldn't let others to affect things between me and my bf, still, I can't help thinking through what they said.Most of my friends think he's a great guy and I should just continue without thinking too much if I'm happy and we both love each other. But there're also friends that think we may not work as they think I'm changing my standard to cope with him, they think I may be just ignoring the problem and it may come up again sooner or later. But what I think is that, yes I did change, but I'm happier and I guess it's not just for him, but for myself too. Cos if I'm being that picky about minor stuff, I'll not be able to develop any successful relationship in the future even if I'm not with him. Also, I think as me and my bf have spent almost 24 hrs together during the time when we were physica. I think my change is just a way to make myself content in a new situation of our relationship.So do you guys think changing myself is lowering my standard or it's a growth?Q: 2I love to send my bf random text once/twice daily, like I miss him or support to him. But he seldom replied me and will only say he got the text and thank me when I ask if he got it.I'm not sure if he find that annoying or he actually likes it, what will you guys think when your gf do the same to you? is it too much?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): Thanks for the reply :)
I agree with what you said about we're going nowhere. But I forgot the add that, coincidentally, I'll be moving to his country for my master study next year. (I planned this before I met him) That is why it makes me so confused if I should hold on to this relationship or not. I don't want to date with any guys locally this year because I don't want to start another LDR which may end up for a even longer period of being apart (I'll not come back to my own country for at least 3 yrs). Also I've actually tried to let him go once, but he didn't want to, he think we should continue as long as we love each other. (this is his first serious relationship too and the first time he brought a girl back home and introduce to his family and all his friends )
I'm very focus on my own life and goals and do really well in school, that's also why I got the chance of study abroad for my master. I've close friends to share my feelings, ups and downs, but still, I miss being in a relationship with him. He's the first guy that makes me so determined to ditch my "casual dating" habit, the first time I let my guard down and be serious.
Anyway, I'll seriously consider what you said and decide if I should continue and get over with this.
A
female
reader, OhGetReal  +, writes (16 October 2010):
 You know what I think? I think you are wasting your time and emotional energy on this relationship. I know you think it is your first serious relationship and that is only because you are inexperienced at dating and at love. I am here to tell you that this is not a serious relationship, it is two young kids that are dragging our something painfully that should have been ended when you went your separate ways after your exchange studies.
NOw you are flogging a dead horse, you are ruining the good times and the good memories you had of having a fling for six months with a really nice guy you met while in a different time zone. Long distance relationships do not work. You are both young, you both have your lives ahead of you, you are not financially equipped to span time zones and fly to see each other every weekend and you are in emotional pain because this relationship is not fulfilling your needs for emotional support and true relationship.
Let it go, let him go, focus instead on YOURSELF and your studies and your life's goals. You can still be friends after awhile and stay in contact, but your romance is over and has been for some time. This is no reflection on what you had, it doesn't mean that you aren't lovable or that he isn't a great guy. You will find in life that timing is very important in relationships and that all relationships are not meant to last forever or even past the 6 month expiration mark, but they will leave a footprint on your heart and shape who you are and how you chose a future relationship where the timing and the time zone are more in alignment.
I know this is not what you want to hear, but I'd be wasting your time and mine to lie to you and tell you something fluffy and give you an at-ta girl when that isn't going to change a flippin' thing.
Take care, doll.
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