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anonymous
writes: I have been with my new man for a couple of months now. he has no contact with any of his ex girlfriends and I have never met them and yet I'm so jealous. He was with a girl for 4 years and when he found her cheating on him it broke his heart. His friends are great but they tell me they have never seen anyone so heartbroken. now i feel like he will never feel for me the way he felt for her and that even though we have such a laugh together he is always wishing I was his ex. I know if I ask him , he will say im being silly and yet this is really bothering me! what can i do? x
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2005): I do the same thing.. constantly.. there are just things you need to tell yourself: he's with you because he wants to be. I used to spend hours thinking about my bf with his ex and then I realized that I shouldnt be mad - he didn't know me when he was with her, and he wasn't doing those things to hurt me. she has her new life and I have mine.
A reader, Kate, writes (13 February 2005): I am in a similar situation, and am finding it difficult too.Talk to him about it as it is really bothering you. He should care about you enough to try to make you happier.You can't be his ex, and nor should you try to be. But he doesn't necessarily want you to be, which is why you need to talk about it. He still cares for her, and this is not something that will change quickly if at all, but this doesn't mean that he doesn't care for you too.Does he let you know that he cares for you?If not then ask him to let you know as I think you need reassuring. He should let you know anyway, so don't be afraid to ask. It's good to be honest, and saves you being so unhappy.Hope that doing this makes you feel better, although you will have to accept that he still cares for her, and you can't expect him not to.It will take time for him to love again, so be patient if you can.
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A reader, Gary, writes (13 February 2005): Hi,that's a tough one! I understand why you have these thoughts in your mind. You think that he probably would've never broken up with her if she didn't cheat on him. That again would mean that his feeling were really strong for her... I was once in his situation. My ex cheated on me. I broke up with her immediately. I didn't feel to good for about two months (couldn't really sleep or eat). After those two months things got better. I'm with somebody else now (for one and a half years). I must say I'm very happy with my "new" relationship now. Also, right after I met my new girlfriend, I stopped missing my ex. I must admit, that I think about her every now and then... but it's just things like "I wonder where we would be now, if we were still together". I never had any sexual desire or whatsoever for my ex after I met my new gf. Actually, I think even IF my current relationship wouldn't work out, I don't really see myself getting back together with my ex, even though I loved her like crazy back then. After she I found out that she cheated on me, I think I lost my attraction attraction to her... So I don't think you have a reason to be jealous. Just be happy, that his ex as stupid enough to cheat on him and gave YOU the possibility to be with him.Cheers,Gary
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