A
female
age
41-50,
*myea82
writes:me n my boyfriend have been datin now for about two years n a half. he works on the road all the time so hes always away from home. he has different people on every new contract, so he meets a lot of people. most of them r men. once in a while he may have a female inspector or something. now, not to b mean or n e offense to n e one that sees this. bc thats not why im here, but he used to b married to a bigger woman but claims it grossed him out. n he doesnt like big people. well, now this inspector on his job is a female, n a big woman. they have been workin together now for 6 months or more. i never would of thought that i would b jealous or insecure,but ive been flaggin here n there for them. so ive been noticing them talkin all the time. he will go to her truck n talk to her for a long time. n when he comes n talks to me its for a couple min. now this job is bridge work so they dont always have to b around each other. basically the only time they need to b around each other is when they r inspectin. they have lunch or dinner together n of course im always invited. well, the other day we were at lunch and i tried to start a conversation with him n he blew me off (one word answer). well, when she had something to say he had both ears open. i got mad text him sayin why i was mad, n he never replied. mayb he thought i was b n stupid. i dont know. i think i know deep down theres nothin goin on, but yet still that suspision is there, whether hes not n to big women or not.so am i over reacting or do u think somethings there. oh n p.s. before i came down to flag me n him had a fight one night. when he was drunk he told me that him n her talked about what was goin on between us at the time. so that means theyre talkin about way more than just work n they hang out at the bridge and talk about mine n his relationship. when she doesnt know me that well to b brought in to that. i would greatly appreciate the opinions n e one may have. help
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female
reader, Lovely Sweet Laura  +, writes (26 November 2009):
 It could be that there is nothing to be concerned about and accusing him would likely just cause and upset. It is another thing though if he is devoting more time to this friendship than he is to your relationship and I think you should speak to him about that. If he is having problems with the relationship and wants to resolve them he should come to you first. It is normal for people to want to talk to outside contacts about these things to get a different perspective but as you said if she doesn't know you at all she could only draw her conclusions from what he is saying about you and the situation. You should ask him if he feels it is difficult for him to talk to you about these types of things and if there is anything you can do to make it easier because you want to be able to sort things out just as much as he does. You should also say that although you understand his need to bounce his thoughts off of others it does not solve the issues-only the two of you can sort that out~ so the more time he spends talking about it with others is time wasted where you two could be optimizing your relationship. Tell him you will listen without interruption to his concerns-you will than address each problem. The worst thing to do when going through this is to start defending yourself by blaming him-you will just go in circles. Ask him questions like why do you think/feel that way? Is there anything I can do to help change it? I guess just being completely selfless about it all is your best bet initially. If he continues to seem more concerned about spending time with her than you, then I would assume he is using the poor me card to get closer to this girl and has no real concern about the relationship at all but is interested in her. Best of Luck
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