A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend fight almost every day, and most of the time, its about the smallest little thing. The fights get loud and emotionally charged. We have identified a few of the problems with both of us. One of them is that we both get angry or frustrated very easily, and it quickly brings her to tears. I hate making her cry, but I feel like I'm on a chokechain. I cannot hang out with my friends without her getting upset. I cannot tell her that I'm going to workout, go running, etc. I went in for a job interview at a fine dining restaurant, and she threw a fit because she said I wanted to work there for the girls! We've been together for 10 months, and she doesn't trust me. I haven't given her any reason not to. I want trust, I want space, I want freedom, but I don't want to break her heart by telling her straight up. What can I do?
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (21 August 2008):
Here's what I think: you telling her all what you think is going to cause her to turn things around on you. She'll say that she does what she does because of you. Honestly, you two are really young, and it's a shame to be stuck in a relationship with someone like that. You want to be with someone who's happy, trusts you, and is secure. She's the complete opposite. She probably has some growing up to do as well. The problem she has is within herself, and that is something that SHE needs to work on. If you've already assured her that she's the girl you want and that you love her, then her actions are her problem. I think you really need to get out of this relationship and live your own life. You may care for her or even love her, but you need to also love yourself first. She's holding you back. Like someone else said, break it off for a while, and if you two still care about one another, then give it a go and hopefully things will be better.
A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (21 August 2008):
 I second all of the answers here, but I want to give my two cents:
I would say that you should try some couneling for your relationship if you want it to work. The main problem you two have is communication, whether you believe it or not. A trained professional would help you FAR better than any of us right here because your problem is more serious than what most talk about in here.
Your girlfriend is trying to control you to the extreme. Crying just because you went out to run? Sorry, but that shows she has some serious problems in her mind. You two, specially her, need the special counceling to help you get through this.
I would have told you to dump her because this just seems that you will end up more emotionally scarred than she is right now. But it's clear from your writting that you want your relationship to work, so I suggest you to just do the counceling thing. Try to talk about this to your girlfriend, and if she becomes hesitant, then explain her (please don't hesitate, let her cry if she does) that the way she's acting is hurting you and your relationship with her and that if she continues like this she might just destroy your spirit and heart. Tell her that therapy will end up serving you two more good than bad.
Good luck, and I hope you and your girlfriend stay in good terms
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2008): i am a girl and i would never do that to my boy freind she sounds like she controls you so my opion just sit her down and talk to her tell her how you feel even if you feel stupid telling her.tell her she needs to calm down a bit and let you go with your freinds tell her you love her and trust her so why carnt she trust you if that dosnt work and the relationship keeps going on as it is then yous both should have a break after how ever long get back together and see if yous both still love each other
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