A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ive been with my ex fiance for 4 years, engaged for 3 and living together for 18 months. we were really happy before we moved in but after things went wrong. i started treating him badly unintentionally. i drifted from my friends and felt very down about it so when he went out with his it caused rows as i was on my own while he was out enjoying himself. he didnt go out often though and i know this was wrong. my dad drinks too much and i worry about his health and i carried it over to my fiance who doesnt drink half as much but every time he wanted one i made a big deal of it. again i know it was wrong. i complained about other things e.g what time he went 2 bed and if he wanted 2 go on the computer just because it didnt suit me. i dont know why i did this now. we nearly split up at xmas but things got better and we booked our wedding a couple of months ago. but things went downhill again because i didnt do enough to sort myself out. now he doesnt want to be with me anymore. thinks im selfish and lazy (as i dont do enough around the house either) says he still cares but just sees me as a friend now. i love him more than anything. he looked after me and treated me really well. best thing that ever happened to me. i would to anything to have him back but he says he doesnt trust me that things can change.im now going to see a therapist, going to aerobics classes and encouraging him to go out and see his friends but it all seems to be too late. is there anything i can do to show him i can change and things can be different?
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female
reader, BeSimplyTrue  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 It sounds like you've taken some really important steps to fixing your mistakes and your lonely lifestyle, which is an excellent choice! Bravo! I think you've made an excellent start and you should continue no matter what.
That said, I think you've already been showing him that you can change and things can be different... and it doesn't sound like he believes you, either that or he's lost interest because of how bad things got between the two of you. That does happen sometimes, I'm sorry to say. I don't know if you've formally asked him to reconsider and declared your love for him, but I suppose that is a step you ought to take before you give up. You said he told you he doesn't trust you and sees you as a friend, though, so maybe you've already had this conversation.
I wish I knew what else you should do but I think you've given it a really good shot. I'm sorry, it really sounds like you made a huge effort to improve your own life (which will still be improved no matter what happens with him, remember that), and he's still not interested. Maybe he could use a little more time (how long has it been since you started making these changes?) and maybe it's over.
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