A
female
age
36-40,
*oney88
writes:Ok this might be quite a long story but here goes..I have never actually told anyone the full details of my relationship with Mr A (yes the MM)! but i need to get things of my chest because i feel as though i haven't got anyone to talk to about it....I met Mr A about two years. I was going through a ruff patch after ending it with a bloke i was seeing for a couple of months.I didn't want a relationship after that,i just wanted some me time and didn't really have any interest in looking or wanting to meet a new bloke.I guess you could say i was going through(and still kind of am) the "what do i want from life stage"......then out of the blue,i bump into Mr A. He was infatuated with me from the start.I loved the attention i was getting from him because i never had it in that way before. I'm not being big headed,im told everyday how stunning i am (looks-wise) but its not something i use,EVER. In past relationships men wanted me just because of the way i looked,they never gave me a chance to be me,i always felt like i had to be a fake person and things just never felt right, i was never happy, until i met Mr A.He saw the real me,i could actually be the person i wanted to be,so in a way you could say that he has saved me in ways unimaginable....He is a Soldier and im a Cashier...We met out of the blue, we were both going through bad patches, but he told me from the start that he was still married,but separated(who was pregnant with his child at the time). When he told me i wasn't angry, for the reason i didn't know him, and i think it was because it was like the first night we met that he told me!You know,met in a club,both quite tipsy and emotional,end up having a heart to heart conversation with a complete stranger lol and that's how it began...We saw each other EVERYDAY after that for about 3months, baring in mind there was NOTHING PHYSICAL at all going on,not even kissing!...we just both really enjoyed each others company. I have never met someone that im so in sync with before and the same with him...I could start a sentence and he'd finish it off or I'd think about calling him and straight away I'd see on my phone that hes calling me! I know they say opposites attract,but me and him are so alike its too hard to be true... Anyway carrying on with the story...For roughly 3 months we were seeing each other everyday and then one night...one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. It wasn't planned, obviously, it just happened. From then on we were still seeing each other all the time and things carried on physical as well...I didn't fall for him then,no i held back. He was heading out to war and didn't know how long he was going to be in Iraq* for,could have been up to 7 months. I told him i didn't want to get attached to him because of his situation back home with his wife and nearly born child and also because he was going to war and well you never know what could happen... We were really close but i knew back then i could have just walked away and not have given it a second though,but not like now....He took my address and said he'd write and call when he could,i didn't think he would,but he did, so we started sending letters to each other and he'd phone me when ever he could like he promised...that's when my feelings started to grow. He got sent back home earlier because his wife gave birth. He came back to the country that im living in (due to the fact hes in the army and posted in here)and we stayed the same with each other.... He always told me how unhappy he was with his wife,but would look like a complete A**hole if he just divorced her as soon as she had his child,which would have been true. Ive been there to hear the phone calls,they are not nice, always arguing and shouting...He'd always tell me everything ( as far as i know) because we made a pact from the start that we'd be like best friends and not lie to each other about stupid things. And so our relationship grew into that.He tell me things that i didn't want to hear,but I'd listen because then I'd want to tell him something he didn't want to hear and he'd listen.We were both each others shoulders and it just made us so close like that... Gradually i started to feel the strain of getting to attached to him, i wanted to back away because i kept saying to myself there was no point, and so i found the courage to end it....and then end it again..and again...and again..and again... But what ever i tried or how ever i tried we ended up back together. We had so many people try and break us up who found out about us ,but we just always end back together and i don't know why... March of this year,i fell pregnant with his child...It killed me inside but i knew that i couldn't keep the child,i wasn't financially stable nor mentally ready to bring up a child, and yes it was a personal decision to abort. We sat down and spoke about it,he asked me what i wanted and i told him i didn't want a child not seeing someone with whom i don't see a future. He was upset said i didn't need to go through with it and that he'd support me and in every way he could if i changed my mind. But i went through with it and i can say,till this day its something that really does eat me up inside when i think about it...But how can a man love your unborn child if he doesn't love you? that's what i thought because we were seeing each other for quite a while and he still never told me he loved me (even though it felt like he did) and i guess that's what i was waiting on at the time...Anyway his wife found out about me and contacted me. ( she didn't know i got pregnant though) i felt so sick, and disgusted with myself i didn't know what to do. She told me that she didn't really care that he was cheating because they weren't together but she just wanted to know if it was true. I denied having a relationship with her husband. Reason being she started threatening him that she we going to take his child away and that he'd never get to see his child again, and so it was hard for him because he hasn't been living in the same country as her because of his work,so she could just up and leave with the child and he wouldn't know anything...Anyway that blew over but his wife still knew there was something going on. I thought he would cut all ties with me and say to me how i was ruining everything for him ,but he never did,not once. He always told me none of what was happening was my fault ( when I'd feel guilty and blame myself). He knew he could tell me everything and then one night he confessed to me that he was still in love with his wife...i wasn't upset,no,the reason being i knew deep down he was with his wife for a long time and has a child with her and i knew in the back of my mind that one day he would tell me exactly what i knew i would hear...the same night he told me he was in love with me. I said it back aswel for the first time. He said he's still in love with his wife but if he could take his child he would because he wants to get over her aswel as it was making him so unhappy being in a marriage like his..We spoke all that night,were up until early hours of the morning,he cried (something hes never done infront of me before) and i cried....and then i told him i wanted him to do what ever it takes to fix things with his wife and his marriage .It hurt so bad,felt like i was stabbing myself a billion times,but guilt was slowly taking over me,and even thought i loved him so much i didn't want to break up his family. He kept saying how he wished he met me before he met her and that he wanted a divorce. I told him if he wants to get a divorce he has to do it because hes unhappy in his marriage and not because he wanted to leave his wife for me,no way could i carry that burden on my back as well!... anyway i stopped contact with him for about a week...then...again...we saw each other, like wham bham thank you ma'am were back together again....Hes currently away at the moment,still keeping in contact with me,but not going through a divorce...I don't know what to think any more,feels like Ive gotten way to deep in this situation with him and that there's no point in me trying to get out of it because we always end up back together, He is very open with me i feel it, but i just don't know what to do anymore because it does hurt bad, i think i should just lie to him that im seeing some one else,even though i love him to much and don't want to have to do it but its because nothing else seems to be working! Please help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): this man confessed that he was still in love with his wife, after all his badmouthing of her to you. how can you even believe anything that comes out of his mouth?? yet you continue to accpet the scraps he throws at you. i am hoping that you have learnt something from your last abortion. i just want o point out to you and the other anon female who has been having an affair with her MM for 4 years. it is bullshit that MM stay because of the kids. they just convincing ly to their mistresses because this is what their lovers want to hear. and the women are so gullible that they believe it. you all can blame the wife but strange if he was sooooooooooo in love with you that he would not leave the horrible wife, that he still shares the bitchy wifes bed, that he still has sex with the wife.the list goes on. just food for thought ladies.
A
female
reader, Honey88 +, writes (9 August 2009):
Honey88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would never set out to hurt anyone intentionally.he somehow became the bestest friend ive ever had. Like i said,we happened to meet at a time where it was like we both needed someone else to talk to rather then the people we already knew.Have you ever been through a really tough time and then someone walks into your life out of the blue and made you take a step back and look at things in a completely different light? Well that's what he did to me and it's made such a tremendous impact on me. There was no intent to try and go after him because hes married,even though i know there are women out there that get a kick out of doing that sort of thing,but i can reassure you that i am definitely not one of them...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): You seem like a nice person - I didn't want to like you because I'm opposed to abortion and adultery - but honestly I can see your point of view. You have a good head on your shoulder - you don't need our advice - you know that the relationship is bad for you (I don't mean in a moral way but a heart way). Can you try to see other men? They may not be able to finish your sentence - but they may amuse you and take your mind off him. After a while, it may not be so hard to not think of him and you might be able to find someone who puts you first and has less complications. Were you attracted to him because he had complications - married, with a child coming, and posted in foreign country? If you were attracted because he was so impossible then maybe your issues are with your own fear of commitment or love of yourself - that of course, is much harder to deal with and I have no advice on that. Best of luck - remember you are worth it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): I know how you feel. I have been seeing a married man for 4 years now. We have become like the same person, he has talked about leaving his wife but does not want to hurt his children, there is very little love between him and his wife, they are more like business partners than husband and wife. I can talk to him about any and every thing and he also with me, he has told me things he has never ever told his wife. His wife found out this week that he has been seeing me, but she also found out a year ago also, she took him back but after 6 months we where seeing each other again and if any thing our bond seemed even tighter, she threatens him if he stills see`s me she will take their 2 teenage kids away and he will never see them again. I feel so much for him right now, he is in a loveless relationship but is too scared to end it in fear of hurting and loosing his kids. I just want him to be happy and I personally feel that he needs to leave the family home and have time alone some where to work out what it is exactally that he wants. I am so scared of loosing him but Im also scared of him not being happy and his kids living in an unhappy house, every one deserves to be happy,
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A
female
reader, Honey88 +, writes (4 August 2009):
Honey88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks guys,but its just sooooooo hard! i know i need to get out of it,my head says run,but my heart keep saying no stay. i think that's why i keep running round in circles! :(
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A
female
reader, pooh67  +, writes (3 August 2009):
 Why is lying to end this the way you want to proceed? He may see you as an individual. How do you view yourself? This attention can be pleasant, but abnormally obtained. He's not yours. He's married. Has children. You entered into a place you should have never gone. It's my recommendation you end this affair, and get into therapy and a post-abortion support group.
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