A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was in a long distance relationship and everything was great we were in love then he got scared and dumped me ,then wanted me back then dumped me again (long story cut short) ..........months went by i had a little contact which was all saying the relationship was over then there was no contact at all. So i assumed that that was it and id never see him again Then i made a huge mistake i got drunk and ended up sleeping with his friend. we both know that it was a one time thing that shouldnt have happened but now the problem i have is that im still in love with my ex and exactly a week after this happened he came online and started to be lovely and tell me he still cares about me and i feel terrible. I dont know what to do its in my head 24/7 and taking over my life atm.he hasnt asked me back but i know its coming he has told me he still loves me and goes shy on cam cause hes nervous.i really dont know what to do.
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male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (3 August 2009):
 Well, you werent together, so technically it wasn't cheating.
Please dont use the term "I got drunk" and "made a Mistake" in the same sentence.
Please understand that you slept with this guy because you wanted to, not because you were drunk...take some damn responsibility for yourself...it does not get any easier in life and no one buys that crap about being drunk.
That aside, you two weren't together, so if anything you are guilty of being EXTREMELY tacky by screwing your ex's friend. Look at it this way, no one will be able to keep their mouth shut about it, and he will find out anyway. Do you want him to hear it from you, or from someone else?
I am telling you this from a standpoint of a guy who would be getting back together with his girl. only to find out that during the break she screwed one of his friends. There are many things unwritten in relationships but the Cardinal rule amongst men is that you don't screw your buddy's ex! Out of respect for friendships, exes' are generally accepted to be off limits. But apparently you and your crew didnt get that oldest of memos.
So are you gonna hide this from him? Once again, it is technically not cheating, but it is unlikely that this young man will stay with you or even want anything to do with you after he finds out. Most guys wouldn't, as it would be perceived by your ex that you cant keep your legs shut and that you played friends off against each other. Im sure you just wanted sex, but you should have had sex with someone who is not a friend of your ex, cuz drama like this happens when you crap where you eat.
I am simply giving you a snapshot of how this may go down...you say its been months since no contact with your ex, but if you two get back together, and he is still in the dark about this and then finds out from someone other than you.. it will be over forever.
The male ego is fragile, and it wont matter if you'd been broken up for a month or a year. The only thing that will matter to him is that you screwed one of his friends, and then you will be damaged goods, and unfortunately perception is (rightly or wrongly)is reality. Which means he will kick you to the curb forever.
So its pretty tricky, and you cant have your cake and eat it too. Not a real good Risk/Reward out of the sex with this guy huh? But then again, you may get lucky and this guy be understanding of it.
How lucky do you feel?
A
female
reader, pooh67  +, writes (3 August 2009):
 Something eating you up like this, should be told. You two were not together at the time, so telling him is for you to overcome the thought of guilt you're carrying.
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