| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: i am living in a sexless marriage. my husband doesnt seem to have a sex drive at all. the last time we had sex was last august and then he went limp after a couple of minutes after we tried. the time before that was february - ive tried buying condoms and sexy underwear but hes just not interested. i cant live in a marriage like this. its lucky we managed to conceive out little girl whos 2 in march. when i say to him that i need cuddles, and love he tells me to stop being nasty and that ive no respect for him. i dont have respect for him, i am in love with him but when he doesnt give me anything in return, what on earth am i supposed to do.
View related questions:
conceive, condom, limp, sex drive, underwear Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Bi Boy UK +, writes (17 January 2006):
There is two possible answers; he's found out he's gay, or, he has low testostrone and needs to see a doctor to get some viagra.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2006): Remember that loving someone is not just about sex. Love is about all sorts of things: kindness, friendship, companionship, fun, emotional, practical and emotional support. With that said, you and your husband need to seriously start talking about what's going on for each of you and working together to resolve this issue. It could be useful to talk things through together in marriage counselling. If you are losing respect for him over this issue, then you are making the emotional chasm wider between both of you. Avoid blame-games and getting frustrated with him. You are married so you should be each other's firmest supporters. One's sex drive can also suffer for many reasons. There could be all sorts of physical issues that could be at play here. Libido is also greatly impacted by testosterone levels, stress, depression, meds/drugs..the list is endless. Many of the physical causes are treatable. You need to rule this out first. Has he ever consulted with a doctor? If you have ruled out the physical factors, then the root cause is likely emotional.
Good marriages are based on many things, with the main factor being : Respect. If he senses you have no respect for him, he's given up. As a result, you both are not feeling connected to each other. There is unresolved anger, frustration between you both and you two, need to get at the root of this problem, first. These feelings can damage a guy's self-worth, and it can filters down to his sexual interest. Other reasons for sexual derailment in a marriage is: infidelity, pornography is damaging is 2 more I can think of. There are a whole lot of issues that may need to be sorted through to get to the root of the problem. You need to have an honest talk with your husband, but do it in love. Rather than attacking, grilling or blaming him, share your struggles with him. Tell him that you are wondering if there is something wrong with you that is causing him not to want you. Be vulnerable and let him see what you are feeling - whether that is your insecurity, feeling unfeminine or even ugly. Even if you suspect that it is more a problem on his end rather than a problem with you, approach it sensitively.
Every couple needs to remember that depriving or denying each other of sexual bonding, increases the temptation to have sexual needs met elsewhere and this is a concern. Again, it never legitimizes it. But a wise person will work to keep their spouse satisfied within the marriage. I really recommend you look into marriage counselling and get a trained third party to help with your sexual problems. You have a lovely 2 year old child banking on the both of you to give her a happy future by keeping the love, respect and an intact family in place. I wish you both well. Take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, x Chrissy x +, writes (16 January 2006):
 Hey,
I see that you have a problem. The first step is to try to talk to your husband about what is really bothering him and why he is not paying any attention to you or your sex life. You could also try an aphrodisia to invoke the mood but if he is still not responding, then it is best to tell him exactly how you feel and how it is affecting you marriage.
Good Luck.
...............................
|
