A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Recently my boyfriend and I have been arguing more frequently than usual, it is getting close to exam season and we both have lots of work so I have put a lot of this down to stress.He has always had a problem with self esteem, literally to the point where he feels sick when he looks in a mirror. This makes it hard as I feel like I can't tell him when I'm upset or annoyed as it feels as if I'm attacking his self esteem. He gets defensive and is paranoid that I'm having a go at him when I merely want the problem to be resolved.He's also become more withdrawn from our friendship group, often sitting alone and doing work at lunch as he feels as if he is becoming isolated.Even when I passed my driving test this week, he congratulated me, but the disappointed undertone was clear as he has not yet passed his own test, which isn't healthy. He believes that, although he is a brilliant driver something is DEFINITELY going to happen in his test that will make him fail.With all of this I've told him that he should see a counselor, particularly as it is taking a strain on our relationship. Although I admit I am not perfect, I seem to take the blame for most things, we are still happy on the whole but recently it's been getting worse and has started to eat at me. I don't want to just give up. Any ideas? [Mod note: ju the flag should be UK.]
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2014): I think it is time to break it off.
He has some problems that do need counseling; and the problem is, it will become increasingly difficult for someone your age to deal with. He is a guy who has body-image issues, depression, and mood-swings. His need for help is evident to everyone but him.
Only professionals and the loved-ones educated about a patient's treatment program and disorder are prepared for such things. Even then, it becomes a burden when there are hard-times.
You are not turning your back on him. The relationship is suffering due to the fact he will not take the personal-initiative to seek any help with his problems.
He dumps on you, which makes you feel bad. That isn't fair, and it isn't healthy for you. It doesn't just go away with talk and patience. It takes treatment and counseling through a mental-health professional.
It is very hard to suggest to someone your age when it is time to leave a boy. Especially a troubled-boy you think you can fix. You feel loyalty and support is what he needs.
That is only effective and appropriate while he is undergoing the the process of treatment. All you can do is urge him to seek help.
Once he realizes one of the consequences of refusing to seek help is losing you and his friends; he will do so.
It is time for his parents to be parents and see he has issues. Nowadays people breed children like pups, and just let them fend for themselves. They do nothing when they see their own flesh and blood needing special-care and attention. If you and your friends see it. Trust me, they do too. They're avoiding the stigma of possible mental-illness. They're in denial.
It is not just up to him to seek help, his parents should be aware that he is not himself, and his mental-health may be disintegrating. You are already being affected by it.
Prepare yourself to move on. If he has just given up, what can you do? You're not his mother.
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