A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I had a family and it was beautiful. I never actually cheated physically but I talked to a guy for a month or so. It was never sexual, at least not from my standpoint. It was sweet. I liked the attention. I liked the new excitement. I liked hearing how great I was and the feeling of "I still got it." I was selfish and inconsiderate, but I reasoned with myself that my marriage had its faults and in past months, we had an especially rough patch. It was unfair. My family is broken. I don't know if I can fix it and I don't know if I have the strength anymore. I love my husband, but he deserves better than me.So how does one begin to forgive themselves? How can I stop seeing the family I ruined and not feel this gut-wrenching heartache? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (29 December 2019):
 So what you are asking is can you come back from an emotional affair. The answer is Sometimes. What I like about your question is that you have pinned down the heart of the problem. Forgiving yourself.
When people come in and say I had an affair but it was because my spouse ignored me. I have less hope. But you said, I had an affair because I liked getting attention. You have moved into the right position for healing.
you are kind of hard on yourself. What you have done is nothing more than is common to man or woman. You can hate what actions and feelings you had, but don't hate yourself. You are not a substandard person. You said, your husband deserves better than you. I am happy that you sorrow for what you have done, but the truth is that your husband has the right to make that decision. You tell him everything that happened with an accurate timeline. You truthfully answer his questions, and then you let him decide. That is the path back. you can forgive yourself when you aren't hiding anything else.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2019): I'm not sure if your relationship ended over this or if you just feel like things are 'broken'?
If it has ended then time is what you need. It seems extreme to end a marraige over this and I would wonder if there were other issues? The kind that led you to being 'emotionally seduced'.
If it hasn't ended then you need to figure out why this other person's attention was so seductive, and working on your marraige. Don't let yourself dwell on what you did because it won't help you or your marraige. Just think about what you can do to make your marraige better, stronger. Or potentially, figure out if it's not actually a relationship you want to be in.
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