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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been married for 3 years and have two young children. We have a very happy marriage and I know that my husband loves me however i have recently discovered that he has been registering on certain websites in order to meet a 'shemale'. Having accidentally discovering this i then entered the website to view his profile and discovered that he would like to meet a shemale to have fun and fulfil his fantasies. As of yet i do not believe that he has been in contact with anybody.I feel devastated by this and thought that we had a very happy marriage, our sex life has always been good and i always thought that i fulfilled him. I cannot talk to him as i know that he would perceive it as me being in the wrong by seeing his emails and that i was checking up on him.I do not know what to do, i cannot talk to my friends as i feel embarrassed that my husband would want a shemale instead of me and i am terrified that if i bring it up he will say that he no longer loves me and doesn't want to be with me anymore.He is the only man that i have ever been with and my world revolves around him. Please somebody help me!!
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female
reader, ezelle  +, writes (18 October 2007):
I've been through this situation. In my opinion, you MUST tell him that you know and how you know...there is nothing for YOU to be ashamed about that you accidentally found on the computer. A dialogue about it Must begin in one way or another. He is getting ready to ACT OUT because he is posting ads online getting ready to meet a shemale. He has to be put in check somehow or otherwise his secret fantasies could easily happen.
You have to talk about it one way or another. You must lay it on the line what you want which is what is best for you and your little children. He needs to face that he has a problem and his "porno shemale habit" is putting his family life at stake. If you are not willing to accept porno in your life then say so and mean it at any cost because it is your and your childrens future at stake (including the heartache that goes along with it, believe me!)
I kicked my hubby out of my house for a year because I got sick of his porno fantasy addiction...it was ruining our life. It was replacing an emotional/sexual bond between us. He placed his addiction above our communication and a loving close relationship. I wouldn't even talk to him for 4 months until he got it through his head that I DON"T WANT his porn addiction in our life. It wasn't worth it to me to compromise my own values.
He kept calling & beggin to come back...the only way I told him was to go to SA (Sex Addicts Anonymouse) for a year and then I might consider it. I gave him 12 months to get his act together. He attended meetings which I encouraged. He brought flowers, wrote poems, was the BEST husband & father in the world...so after more than a year...going through his 12 steps...I let him come back we renewed our vows and everything has been wonderful for the past 11 months. Sex is great, etc.
Well guess what! I had to go to the hospital for TWO days...he just couldn't wait till I got out the door! Just so happened he left me a note that he had virus on computer (I am a computer geek - he is not) that he couldn't get rid of. So there I find it ALL again...the shemales, cruising the escort tranny ads...all that stuff...I feel sick again. I just got out of hospital today & not sure what I'm going to do this time!
So MoMMa to those precious kids and all the family values you hold dear, I can only tell you my own story. I do say, BE TRUE TO YOURSELF and what you instinctively know is best for you. I feel for you so much and the pain you are going through over this.
MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU!
A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (23 October 2006):
 You need to talk to him and possibly tell him about your snooping as you need to get to the bottom of this, I have a friend who realised only a year ago that he holds an attraction towards shemales and found it very hard to admit the fact to anyone and took him awhile to even admit it to himself with only the internet as a source of any kind of contact with any shemales, he is in a loving relationship with a woman who accepts and understands his attraction and although she will never be what he would like her to be as she doesn't hold the correct equipment she sticks by him no doubt.
You need to work through in your head what you are wanting from your husband and marriage before you confront him and work through what is the best for the both or you whether that is to stay together or split.
Good luck :o)
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (22 October 2006):
 Hi Anon,
If I were you, I would confront your husband. You may have been snooping, but were there reasons you felt you had to do so? Had you tried talking to him about problems in your relationship earlier? If you felt that you didn't get a truthful answer, it's only natural that you'd want to do more to save your marriage. At least that's how I see it.
You know your husband best out of anyone on here. Try to figure out the best way to tell him you know. If I were in your position, I would tell him when the kids are away for a while. I would probably say something about how I loved him and want to make the relationship work. Then would try to "gently" break the news about finding the site. (If you go all crazy on him, you know that it's just going to end up being a shouting match and nothing will be resolved.) I would try not to make it sound like you just want to attack him (although that might be hard, at least it would be for me!), but I would stay honest. If you are hurt, then tell him. If you're angry, tell him. Also, I think that most people in his position would turn defensive. Try to use that as an advantage. If he says he's feeling a certain way, then tell him you want to work on that as a couple.
I also suggest that you two go to couples counseling. This isn't any ordinary run-of-the-mill kind of problem. There is a big issue that needs to be addressed, and the sooner it is, the better your relationship will be in the future. You will also be able to share your feelings together without the sort of huge fight that could break out at home.
You'll get through this, anon. It's just going to take a lot of strength. And remember, it's not your fault that he's doing this. Don't let him tell you that. Whatever happened could and can be worked out with open communication and a will to work things out together. Surely your husband still cares for you at least somewhat, or else he would have just up and divorced you, right? If he didn't love you, then he wouldn't really bother to hide this, at least that's my opinion of it. Try to stay positive. And if you don't end up going to couples counseling, then at least do yourself a favor and go on your own. This seems like it is too much to keep bottled up and speaking with a professional (or at least a friend if you change your mind) would help you tremendously. :)
Take care.
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (22 October 2006):
 To hell with him thinking its your fault for snooping! If the world had snooped earlier, North Korea wouldn't have nukes! You wanna let this problem get out of hand? Confront your husband about it. If he asks too many questions as to how you found out, just remind him that he's the asshole who's looking for 'fun' in other places. Surely, even Homer Simpson would know who's in the wrong in this case.
If he does no longer love you, isn't it better that you know now before some shemale steals him from you? Make sure you have some kind of plan as to what you're gonna say to him. Keep yourself believing that you're doing what's right. Now go make him squirm!
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A
female
reader, miss help +, writes (22 October 2006):
 talk it through with him make sure he understands how you found out. then make sure he wants to be with you and your kids. Say its the website or you.
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