A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A couple of years ago i went out with a man and for ages i felt like i had been pushed into the relationship by his meddling mum, and after a couple of months i decided he wasn't right for me and i dumped him. Skip a year later and his mum died. I wouldnt say i was pleased, after all, although she did meddle, we were close, but i hadnt seen her for about 3 months before she died. I went to her funeral though and i saw my ex. I think he had fancied me since he first set eyes on me, and i knew he loved me because he said i broke his heart. But while at the funeral, all eyes after we left the crem where on me, and i am ashamed to say that in his hour of need, because i knew people expected something from me, i didnt do anything. My friend said a few words and then i scuttled after her.For months after i felt terrible. I knew people would be saying i was a heartless cow, but i am not a fan of showing my emotions, you would probably say i was a bit of a cold fish. Anyway he emailed me a few times, polite messages, nothing reproaching about how awful i'd been, then we lost contact. Then my friend who's mum lives near him, mentioned that he had a new girlfriend and i was happy for him and i still am.But the thing is, i have realised now that i want him back. He wasn't a perfect boyfriend, he was clingy and manipulative in some ways, but otherwise he was very kind. I haven't seen him since the funeral, nor heard from him after those few emails when he kept telling me about the dates he was going on and what girls he had met.Only my friends, who knew how manipulative he was say that i'd be mad to go back to him. Usually i would have agreed, but i got to remembering the good times we had. Things and moments i had forgotten.But i don't want to approach him if he is still with his girlfriend. So what can i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): I don't see in your post your reason for wanting him back...in fact the things you say to describe him, he is manipulative and you decided in the first two months of dating that he was not right for you, and you now want him back because he was kind, and manipulative and clingy and a non perfect boyfriend.
Kindess is a nice quaity, and so is having some nice memories, but you probably are forgetting the unpleasant times you had with him or how he made you feel manipulated that prompted you to dump him....don't go dragging him through this again and respect the fact that he has moved on and has a new girlfriend....if this relationship does not work out for him, and he wants to see you, he will contact you. Otherwise, I think you ought to let him go...he is happy with her for now.
A
female
reader, stuckinthemiddle81  +, writes (7 July 2008):
 The best thing you can do is live your live at this point. Do not make a mistake and wait around for him to dump his girlfriend because that may never happen...or won't happen for a long time. But also do not regret those happy times you shared with him in the past--"Never regret anything that once made you smile"--these are the memories that keep us alive and happy.
He has certainly moved on after the bitter break up and it doesn't sound like he is really gunning for a renewal in your relationship, it just sounds like he's being civil and friendly about staying in contact but then it fizzled out. Maybe he wasn't sure about his feelings at first when he began sending you nice little emails after his mom's funeral. It was an emotional time for him and he probably needed someone from his past that knew him and that would understand him moreso than his present girlfriend. And maybe the reason why his communication stopped was because he realized maybe he had to fully move on himself and that maybe you should do the same.
I'm glad you're happy for him and his girlfriend, it shows that you are mature enough to accept change and reality and it also shows that you truly love him--"If you love them, set them free" (sorry about the cliched mantras-lol) I bet he'll be happy to see you happy too. Give it a shot. It never hurts to try your hand at dating again. You never know who else is out there that is great for you..if not better than your ex...you never know, kiddo.
I hope that helped in some way. =-)
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