A
female
age
36-40,
*izzyb
writes:I'ts been a very turbulent month in our relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together two and half years and we've been madly in love the whole time. For some reason I have this need for him to keep proving himself to me so I used to say things like 'you don't really care about me' or maybe we should take a break' and I realise now that was just for self validation and assurence. But last month i pushed it too far. I picked fights with him and said horrible things like three times in a week. He said to me that i really hurt him and whilst he doesn't want to be with anyone else that he was really upset.We did the break thing for a week and then agreed to keep going. But then the following week i said 'i don't think i want to do this anymore' coz he was just tired and grumpy. The other night we broke up. We then saw each other last night to discuss it. He cried continuously and was saying i love you so much and when i'm with you you make me so happy but I think i need to be alone. But i don't want to be with anyone else etc and I don't want you to be with anyone else. Maybe in January we could try it again once I've figured this out. But you deserve better than someone whose going to leave you coz you're beutiful and wonderful. I said that I'd let him be alone and we could try again in January. He told me that he's sorry he's being so stupid and self destructive and that i deserve better but that he loves me more than anything and wants to be with me but still wants to be alone. I asked him why he's doing this and he said that it was almost a self defence mechanism. I've never seen anything like it. He just didn't stop crying and he never cries. I told him I love him and I'm not going anywhere because I can't see myself with anyone else. He's just in such a state. He's just consumed with thinking about it because he's got alot of time on his hands at the moment. He's usually mr. unemotional and roll with the punches but he's just in such a bad way and I can't help him out of it. He says he wants to meet in JanuarY and still talk and stuff during this time but I just think I've ruined things forever. I want to rebuild his trust. I want to just try calling him, messaging him etc to be reassumring and supportive and to let him know I don't want to go away. But how to do you reubild someone's trust?I love this guy so much. He's been the best boyfriend I could have ever imagined and he's made me really happy. I don't want to loose him but I don't know whether to back off and leave him alone or call him etc and let him know that I love him and that I'm never going to leave him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): I think you need to give this guy time and space. Use the time to make sure about your feelings and your intentions towards him. Have a good look at your relationship in the past and see what mistakes you have made and try to learn from that. You have lots of time from now to January to work on your self esteem and to learn to be more positive.
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