A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I think I may be depressed, and I'm not sure how to cope with it. The past year and a half has been a steady decline for me. It all started when I was academically dismissed from my university. I also found out I was pregnant the same day. I ended up having an abortion, which also started my trip into debt. I've been taking one or two classes online at my old community college because that's all that I could afford. My parents think that I am still at the university I was kicked out of, and are still paying my rent every month which kills me. I was originally due to graduate in May and had to tell them that I wasn't, and that I needed another year but they took that to think only one semester and that I am graduating in December when I really have another two years left. I have no idea what I'm going to tell him or how I'm going to get out of it. I'm almost certain that I will be left homeless and alone. I've been trying to find a job so that I can pay off my debt or at least save some money so that I can stand on my own two feet for a while, but I can't even get a call back for an interview! Not even for a job at the mall. It really does makes me feel like such a failure. For the past year and a half, I've spent just about every single day ALONE. I don't have any friends to talk to or see, which of course makes me feel like a total loser. I have a boyfriend who lives 3 hours away, he lives with his mom so even if anything were to happen with my family, I couldn't stay with him. I have no other friends to turn to either.My boyfriend has no idea about what's going on with me. He has no idea that I was kicked out of school, or that I am in debt. I told him that I chose to take a break from campus life and stick with online classes. He knows that I spend all my time at home and sometimes he will makes hurtful jokes about me not having any friends and stuff. I try laughing it off saying that I choose to not deal with anyone, which is true to a certain extent..but I think at this point, I really do wish I had some friends.I managed to get readmitted back into my university and can start classes in the spring, but after telling my parents-I'm worried about how! I have no money to pay my own rent, no job, nothing. And then there's also tuition that I'd have to pay for. In addition, my ex-bf who I've never been able to let go of told me that he and his wife would be closing on a new house today. I know I shouldn't be, but I was absolutely devastated. I have no idea why. I spent four years with him, and I feel like he played a part in why I failed academically even though I know it was all my fault. He's put me through so much in those 4yrs that you would think that I'd hate him, but I can't let him go. Needless to say, I guess I'm heartbroken.Everything is finally starting to take it's toll on me. I have absolutely nobody to talk to, except my boyfriend but I can't even talk to him because he doesn't know the truth about me and I'd be too embarrassed to tell him and I wouldn't want to disappoint him. Lately all I've been doing is sleeping and watching tv. I sleep more than I ever have yet I'm still exhausted and have no desire or motivation to do anything, no matter how simple it is.I just don't know what to do anymore.
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female
reader, stressedandtired +, writes (22 October 2011):
 I'm so sorry all of this is happening with you. I'm no doctor but you do sound depressed. You have been through so much. First of all, I think you need to be honest with your boyfriend. It's not right that he makes jokes about you not having any friends. You should tell him how it makes you feel when he jokes about that. Maybe if he knew everything that's going on he would understand but depending on what type of person he is, he may end up leaving you. If he does, you don't need him anyway. At this point in your life, you need someone that's going to be there to pick you up when you're down, not make you feel worse. I know it's hard to find a job. I too am having that same problem. But the important thing is to not give up. I know it can be very discouraging when you don't get any calls back but you have to keep trying. You have bills that need to be paid. If your parents are understanding, try talking to them and telling them the truth. It may be something they can do. Try to find things to keep yourself busy so you can take your mind off your problems. Everyone needs some kind of happiness in their life. As for your ex, do whatever you can to get over him because he has moved on. Again, find things to keep you busy. It also doesn't hurt to keep some type of journal. Since you feel you have no one to talk to, write these feelings down so you'll have a way to express yourself. This is important because you can go back and read these things to see what's keeping you so depressed and eliminate these things. I hope you find a way to feel better. Good luck.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 October 2011):
 You need to take control of your life and start thinking positive. If you don't your life is just going to spiral out of control. It is bad at the moment but it will only get worse in time. It is time to start making changes.
Ok so lets start with your university situation. The longer you leave telling your parents what has happened the more harder it will be. I know it is going to be very scary and hard to do it but it needs to be done and straight away. They will be angry at you off course they will, because you have been lying to them, but am sure once they have calmed down they will see how scared and nervous you are. Just be completely honest with them. Open up to them and tell them how you have been feeling. They brought you in to this world I am sure they will be there to listen to you. Off course it is hard to open up to your parents about how miserable you feel. But be honest with them. Tell them you feel like a failure and you are scared. Tell them you have been looking for work. Explain how stressed and down you are feeling. Tell them everything do not leave anything out. They will be shocked but they will in the end see that you need help. So don't delay it do it soon.
As for your boyfriend. I really don't think you should be in this relationship. It is not fair to yourself or to him. You are still in love with another man. Yes he has moved on now with his life, but it is obvious that you haven't. You need to cut contact with your ex boyfriend and start moving forward from him. Accept that you have lost him, and start getting over him.
As for making friends. You need to be motivated to get out of the house and achieve things. You are feeling tired and drained all of the time because you have no motivation to do anything at all. Make yourself get out of bed in the morning. Look in to local groups or classes where you can make new friends. It doesn't need to be anything expensive. Even getting up and going to a park is an opportunity to meet new people. Be confident and start conversations with people. Smile be friendly and say hello.
As for looking for work, yes it can be hard to find work anywhere. But you cannot give up. Every single day make sure that you apply for at least one job a day. Never give up be determined and don't let any job refusals get you down. Be determined. Look outside of the box on work. Get the news paper and apply for every job that you can find or go to a recruitment agent. Be determined and something will come up some time.
Just take charge of your life be positive and never say you cannot do something, because if you put your mind to it you can and you will. I have faith in you, so you need to have faith in yourself now.
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