A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,Could you please help me decipher this guy's behaviour? We're colleagues working in a very big organisation and do not have any common work projects. He's recently divorced (probably for about 6-7 months) - his wife left him for another man. He's always hitting on me in public and implying to other people around us that something is going on between us. It even got to the point where he declared to another colleague but within my earshot that he's in love with me and added to me, walking by and smiling, that he had not lied. In the past two weeks we've twice had lunch for which he insisted on paying. However, there's no developments beyond that. He does not ask me out, our conversation has never steered to anything particularly personal, no plans have been made. To be honest, I've also not indicated any overt interest in him because I have not been sure how to react to his words/actions. At first I decided to take it as a joke. What's going on here? Is he just flirting to keep life interesting or is he interested in more but does not know how to approach me?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 October 2012):
 Thanks for the update and I it is a shame that it never worked out between you both, but hey as the saying goes it is his loss so at least you got closure on it. Best of luck in the future.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust to provide an update a year later to the people who responded (thanks again, btw!): the guy just flaked once my office mate decided to help me and wrote him a message saying something along the lines of that I'm free during the weekend, why doesn't he ask me out. The communication fizzled out completely after that, and no amount of interest that I think I showed could revive it. People are frustrating! :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the answer, aunt honesty! When I said that I'd shown no overt interest, I meant that I had not asked him out or suggested we do anything together. I do flirt back but flirting is always done in a humorous/"don't take me seriously" manner, so it can be difficult for both parties involved to know what really is going on. His actions are mixed: he's been unavailable for lunch a few times I asked, his phone conversations with me are short and to the point, etc. I guess my best bet would be calling him out on it the next time he says or does something indicating we're more than friends.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (20 October 2011):
Well it does sound like he is interested in you, my guess is that he is making it obvious to you so that you can take the next step. You say you haven't showing any interest towards him therefore he is probably being cautious. His wife has left him for another man so he is probably quite delicate at the moment and his confidence has probably taking a knock as well. If you are interested in him well then start flirting back and showing him that you are interested. Try and get to know him more and take things from there. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Advice_man  +, writes (20 October 2011):
 I think he is interested in getting to know you better but he is giving these mixed signals because you didn't give him any indication that you are interested in him. He basically wants to avoid the embarrasement in case you are not interested especialy since he is a collegue. That's the reason he does not ask you out, because he feels that you will say no(those are the vibes you are sending him). Do you like him? Why don't you give him a hint, either way if you like him or you don't. Let us know what happened. Best wishes!
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