A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hello Everyone, I hope you can help me here, I am wondering what happened. Sorry, it's a longish one.A guy contacted me online on 29-Dec-2011. We seem to get along really well, and started to communicate daily via the dating website, we then started to text each other daily, until we decided to speak on the telephone - in total we spoke on the phone for a total of 4 hours. We have also skyped for 2 hours. I am 47yrs old. He is 13yrs older than me, but looks well for a man of 60yrs. I liked what I saw, read and the way he behaved. He seems to be a gentleman in the way that he speaks to me.Things were going well. We meet decided to meet in person for the first time last week. We live 400miles from each other and he flew in for the weekend to meet with me. He stayed in a hotel. He arrived on the Friday afternoon, and I met up with him later that evening. We were getting on really well on the Friday evening and all day Saturday. At one point he even hinted that I move to his town (400miles away) and get a job there.I asked him where would I live, and he said with him of course. He even said he would do the laundry and we share the house-work etc. I joked with him telling him that I would not be doing any ironing. He laughed and said no problem, we would send his shirts out to be ironed and cleaned.Then late Saturday afternoon the weather was bad with alot of rain and it was very cold, we went to his hotel room as he wanted to watch the sports highlightsand he kissed me. It was nice and I let him kiss me -nothing else happened, no sex was involved. When the kiss ended he continued to watch the sports, and I fell asleep on in the armchair. I surprised myself as I do not usually do this with someone I hardly know. Later at about 8pm he recieved a call from his wife (they have been seperated 2.5yrs and live in different cities - he told me she already has a live-in boyfriend), the call seem to upset him, he said she was shouting at him about money. It was still raining heavily, and he told me he hates the rain, and he seemed a bit moody because of the weather/or the call/or both? We were supposed to go to watch a movie - I had paid for the tickets, but he didnt want to go because he did not want to be out in the rain. He offered to give me the money back for the tickets, but I refused.We went to dinner. He suggested a drink at the hotel bar, and then he asked me which would I preferred, going to his room for a kiss or a drink in the hotel bar? As we had kissed earlier in the day, and I liked it, and I felt I could trust him. I said another kiss and laughed. He laughed too. (earlier that day I had asked him - what happens now, as we live so far apart, he said we see how it goes for the next few weeks, then we decide whether we want to make a go of a relationship or not, he said we could visit each other/take turns a few weekends a month for a while and see how it goes, I thought it was an ok idea).We went to his hotel room and talked about his job, his wife etc., and we also kissed - nothing else happened, no sex was involved, and he was a gentleman at all times. He told me that the next 2 weeks would be very busy and stressful for him and also that he and his wife plan to go to visit a lawyer next week to sort out a divorce settlement. I told him I did not feel comfortable seeing him and he's still married, and he told me that, in his eyes he has not been married for 2.5 years and he will not be married for much longer now. After the kissing I said it was time I was going home, he asked me if I would stay another hour, I said no. He said ok. He gave me my coat, and He walked me to the lift and said goodnight, and that was it. I got in a cab and was home 30mins later. He did not send me a text saying he had a nice evening or nice weekend, nothing.The next morning also nothing, then in the afternoon I received a text from him saying 'I am at the airport now,Good bye sweet kisser'. I sent a text back to him saying 'Your message sounds like your saying goodbye forever'. He text back saying 'only for now, not for ever'. I text back 'OK, Good XX. Have a good journey. I am thinking of you'. He did not text back. The next day (monday) I received another text from him late afternoon telling me that a piece of furniture he had ordered had arrived, and he sends me a hug. That was 3 days ago and I have not heard from him since. Am I over-reacting? Should I be more patient, or has he changed his mind about being with me? I'm exhausted from thinking the whole weekend through, and I wonder what went wrong. I don't know what to think anymore. Thank you for any advice you can offer me.
View related questions:
divorce, kisser, kissing, money, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 February 2012):
 if he had seen a recent picture and he KNEW what you looked like then he needed to say up front that he normally preferred thinner women but that he liked your personality so much that he wanted to see if he could work past the size issue.
better sooner than later...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello Everyone, Thanks alot for your feedback. I really appreciate it. You guys are right; and there are just too many red flags piling up anyway. I also hate the sports, but we all need our own intersts hobbies etc as well.You know what, I just can't figure the guy out, and I'm not gonna try anymore. It's his loss. Yes, I am packing some extra pounds, but I know I look good, but I want to loose weight for health/longevity also - the profile picture (a good one) I had on the dating website was only 3 months old and I had lost a couple of pounds since posting it. We had skyped a few times, so he knew what I looked like, when we met the first evening, he even said I was just what he was expecting - so go figure. I feel better for having written to you guys - it really helped. Thank you!
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (4 February 2012):
 I'm sorry it didn't work, and I like the fact that he was honest. There is nothing wrong with you, he just has a certain body type in mind.I think it's rude that he didn't contact you sooner and tell you, he left you waiting and guessing and kept pretending everything was ok.. That is not nice.To tell the truth, I would have dumped him when he wanted to check the sports scores. I don't date men that like to watch sports.Then I would have a big, big problem with a guy who is such a baby that he can't go out in the rain. He lives in the UK, it's always raining, so is he always hiding at home.The wife he aint divorced is the icing on the cake.So what you don't like me big ass and tits, I think they is cute and so do many others... you go try to find a lady to put up with your sports obsession, your fear of the rain, and your married wife who aint going nowhere.I say, good for you, a very lucky escape.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 February 2012):
 Exactly. Lucky escape. Not only conceited old fart, but MARRIED conceited old fart. He is not married " in his own eyes " ? ah well. Maybe it's time for new bifocals ?...
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 February 2012):
I am glad he was honest with you.... and yes it hurts but if he TRIED to be with you as a romantic partner his preference for thinner women would negatively impact on your relationship.had he seen recent pictures of you before you met? did he know you were not skinny?
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (2 February 2012):
 I am sorry you suffered a loser. At least he told you before he wasted 2 years or more of your life.
And I am sure there are men out there who love and enjoy more curvaceous woman.
Appreciate and Value you for your talents and how nice you are. He, by contrast, will be attracted to what he prefers physically - men are very physically focused whatever their physical preference is - but he should be aware that a person is not just their physical presentation.
There is character, motivations and a whole lot of other things that make up the real person.
Be happy he has gone, for his shallow approach has meant he has done you a favor - for revealing that 'looks are everything'
May he enjoy the next slim woman he meets, even if she turns out to be a loudmouthed shrewish virago untrustworthy, unfaithful bore.. After if she's slim, by his standards, then she will be perfect????
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello Everyone,
thank for all your comments and advice.
I decided to text him today because I could not bear the suspense any longer. I sent him a text which said 'How have you been? Have you forgotten about me already?' About 25mins later I received a nice text back from him saying 'How could I forget you. I have written you an email. Hugs'. Well, I was so excited to receive such a nice message so I went straight to my emails to read the message. Well i got such a shock when I read it!
His email to me said:
'So what did we learn and experience from the weekend?
You are a wonderful and beautiful person. You are an exceptional kisser.I love your body language, your touch and the energy of your presence . To be honest I have one problem. I only usually date slim women. I feel a bit ashamed to say that, but we agreed on complete honesty and the women I prefer are slimmer than you.
Maybe this should not be a reason, which should be important between two people if their minds and hearts fit well, but I know myself and I know what I prefer'.
So there you are ladies. On this occassion, when a man does not like something physical about a woman or whatever, he will decide to not contact her again and completely ignore her existence.
I am still in shock and pain at the moment. I cannot believe it. I thought we had something special developing, and he was even talking to me about me moving to his town. Unbelievable!
A man like this could make a woman very cynical and insecure for the next time - but I aim to try and rise above it and hold my head high, and move on. I guess I had a lucky escape from such a conceited old fart!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): Give it a bit longer as he said he would be busy for the next two weeks with everything going on.
Use the time while you are waiting to weigh up the pros and cons of whether you want to be with him, instead of just wondering whether he wants to be with you.
Try not to rush in. Alarm bells would ring in my head if a guy suggested moving in together after one date. What's the rush? If something is to be long-term, you need to get to know each other first.
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (2 February 2012):
Early days yet, I think he may just be busy. If he is playing games you will know in another week. But right now I would give him a little space, allow him to attend to some pressing personal issues, sort out compelling problems.
If you do not hear from him for another week then consider he is having second thoughts.
Once he has sorted out some things you may be surprised when he arrives back sweeter than ever. His soon to be ex-wife does sound like a potential problem though. There may be more tension and more of an un-resolved connection with either her or him or both than he revealed.
So take care.
...............................
A
male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (2 February 2012):
 That's a good question. Maybe he needs time to think. He seems to be avoiding contact with you.
You could just send an SMS asking if you can meet him somewhere, or if he can call you. I don't know. Maybe I'm not the right person to ask about this. I seem to have a low rating next to my name.
I guess if he said the next 2 weeks would be hectic, you have to take it on face value. He might be telling the truth. He could just be really busy.
Love hurts. I hope this is one of those exceptions to the rule though. I hope he calls you soon. Take care and God bless.
...............................
|
