A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HI, I got married on November 30th 2007. I have a problem that for last four months of our marraige we didn't had sex. I always force him to have to come on me, he never comes by his own. Only thing we have is masturbating each other. He works night shifts, working for a US based company. My echo has started hurting, every time it's me who insists on him to come on me. I am afraid of the pain but still wants to take pleasure. I didn't find that good when he tried inserting, a bit afraid I requested him. Rather it was painful. I hurt too many things from my friend that it is a great feeling and you are in top of the world but it never seemed to be so I'm still a virgin. Is something wrong in me or am I not capable of seducing him. I make him comfortable trying many things like kissing his chest and having oral sex but he gets charged for only few seconds and masturbates without inserting and doing too and fro. Please advise me as I can't discuss with this with anyone else.
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kissing, oral sex, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2008): Hi
I was married for 5 yrs and just like you, I remained a virgin. However I met lots of specialists and doctors afterwards and they concluded my husband has a form of impotence. He did get erection but now I know it must have been too weak or not sustaining (I guess I will know for sure when I actually lose my virginity)
We were designed to have babies through the route so it is hard to imagine that anyone is "too tight". I made the mistake of never seeking professional help and always thought, we are too nervous and hence penetration is not happening. We went on to blame me and state that its because he never loved me.......and actually now has a girlfriend to prove his point.
Please seek professional help. Lubricants and all are supposed to help out but if it doesnt I am sure he might be suffering from ED. It will be terrible if he realises this on his own and changes or becomes insane like my ex.
And never ever blame yourself. Even if you scream, cry in the first attempt, it is not something that should stop him for so many years.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): I myself am a virgin too, after almost 11 years of marriage. I was married in 1997 but till date haven't been able to have sex. At the beginning we tried a lot to have intercourse but my husband is too big for me. After we were unsuccessful, both of us have lost interest in sex.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): We have had a similar problem for all the 10 years of our marriage. I am 46 and still a virgin. My wife who was not a virgin when we got married and had several sexual partners, has a vagina that is clenched and cannot be relaxed for anything we have tried. We have tried every counselor you can imagine, every lubricant, every relaxation technique and nothing has worked.
I basically have given up and resigned myself to be a married virgin for the rest of my life.
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A
male
reader, Heart22  +, writes (18 March 2008):
I went through almost the same problem when I met my partner. She was not a virgin but had not had sex for about 8 years.
We had two problems, she could not be penetrated and I could not reach an orgasm.
Mine was a trust issue, I just needed time being with her, having her masturbate me, until I felt 'safe' being with her and subconsciously free to enjoy myself with no expectations. It would take about one hour for me to reach clymax with her masturbating me. I was researching the topic and looking at counselling options.
She saw a doctor about her problems, and the doctor told her that the muscles of the vagina needed training just like our legs and arms do for playing sport. Her's were out of condition for want of words.
The doctor recommended lots of lubricant and just inserting one finger at a time and gradually pleasuring her that way, over a few weeks, we introduce two fingers and then try intercourse.
Within about 3 months we were both having great (intercourse) sex together and our problems seemed to dissapear.
Also, don't use harsh (fuck me) language with a man, most men definately do not like it, and I would probably break up with a girl if she spoke that way to me.
Unless you know otherwise, treat your partner sensitively.
Also, there seem to be a lot of spelling mistakes in your post, and I do not fully understand what you're talking about with your echo or I hurt to many things from my friend??
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (17 March 2008):
 Hard to make sense of your post, but as I understand, you tried intercourse but it was too painful, did you ask him to stop, cry or looked really in pain?
Because he just might not want to hurt you. Not a bad thing really, not all men get a kick out of deflowering a girl and watching her cry.
If you never been penetrated and it hurts when tried, there might be a couple of things going on.
Easiest to check is if your hymen is too thick, this is rare but it can be so thick it cannot be ripped by a penis and has to be cut by a doctor. Try inserting your own finger gently when you are relaxed, if it can enter. Women your age usually already lost their hymen from day to day activity and masturbation, but if there is still and obsctruction that may cause the pain and make it impossible for him to enter you. But as said, this is rare.
Some women are afraid of sex and will sub-conciously contract their vagina to prevent penetration. The muscles are similar to the one in your ass and so can contract VERY thightly. This makes penetration completly impossible and you will have to seek counseling why you are so afraid of sex. Child abuse is often a cause, but even just being afraid of the pain you think is going to happen can cause it, and with each try you will feel pain proving to your subconcious that it was right and make the problem worse.
It just sounds as if he got scared when you experienced pain and backed off. Try exploring yourselve with your fingers until you feel comfortable and let him do the same. When you both are really comfortable that penetration doesn't have to be painful you can try again.
You have to get over being afraid of the pain, you body will try and protect itself and make it even more painful. I really can't advise you about that, it don't hurt for guys, but don't despair just because your guy don't want to hurt you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): If you love each other and are married you should consummate your marriage. I think your both a bit nervous. Is he a virgin too? If he can ejaculate he is turned on by you. He married you right. I think ethier he is scared to hurt you or is scared he will not please you. Next time you are makeing out try to get him to insert his penis into you the first time may hurt alittle but just go with it it's normal. Let him know he is pleasing you this will help his ego and don't worry you both will get better over time.
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A
female
reader, Devilish Angel  +, writes (17 March 2008):
 Men like it sometimes when women are agressive and take charge. He might be that type of guy. Or he could be a virgin too and is scared of hurting you or not being good in the sack...
I think that you should just plainly ask him, "When are you gonna fuck me?" It'll get him worked up or he'll plainly give you a reason why there is no action going on.
X
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