A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok I'm 18 nearly 19 and I am in love with a man who is 30 and I've know for about 7 months. I've never met him but speak to him every day but I am also an addict to heroin or was, I've been clean for about 4 months (but he thinks it's been a lot longer.) I weigh very little and am back and forth into hospital.My father died when I was 14 and I suffer from bipolar, he is very keen for me to come and live with him and wants to marry me but I don't know what to do. I'm very sad and scared, what do I do? I love him more than anything and don't wanna lose him. Everyone else has left me, could he do the same? What do I do? I don't feel ready. Please help me I really need some advice xx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): definitely meet him first. don't do anything that goes against your instincts. if you don't feel ready to move in with him yet, then you shouldn't. meet him first and spend some time together. if he loves you he'll understand that you need to spend some time around you before you can make such a big decision. i dated a guy i met online and we met in person several times. we loved each other, but whenever i expressed reservations about moving in with him he would always insinuate that if i didn't move out, i must not really love him (which is obviously bs). so he convinced me to move out when i was 18 and get an apartment so we could live together. this caused a huge fight between me and my whole family and everyone hated him and thought i was being irrational etc. so basically i felt like my boyfriend was all i had left cause i felt like my family was driving me away just by getting so worked up over everything. so anyway, i moved out and got our apartment, and when i did, he stayed less than a month before saying that he couldn't do it anymore and moved out. this is all after he told me he loved me and wanted to stay with me forever etc. and i totally believed him. luckily my parents are really loving and understanding so i had something to fall back on - but a lot of other people wouldn't have been so lucky. just make sure you're careful and make sure he isn't trying to convince you to live with him too soon. because if he's trying to rush you to make this decision there's a good chance something fishy is going on. there shouldn't be a rush if he really loves you. but if you don't feel ready, definitely wait. always listen to your instincts.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): some readers have to be mildly retarded at least..
Can't you read between the lines? 7 months with him.. clean for 4. It's probably at least partly thanks to him that she made this monumental life change, and you are saying call childline on him?
Just stupid. Utterly absurd.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): Firstly, you cannot possibly "love" a man you have never met! Love comes from spending a lot of quality time with someone and getting to know them (and they you) from many different perspectives, including good and not-so-good traits. It takes time.You say you've known him seven months and speak to him daily on the phone. A VERY short time, and not nearly enough!I beg you, forget this idea you have about loving him more than anything (he may represent some sort of security to you) and not wanting to lose him.You just don't know WHAT sort of situation you'd find yourself in if you were to go live with him. I'm telling you, he might be an abuser; might want to recruit you as a prostitute; if nothing else, maybe he wants to have you cook and clean for him (unpaid housekeeper) with sex thrown in whenever and however he wants it as well as not wanting you to leave the house on your own. Does this sound frightening? You bet it does!Now then, I'm not saying he DOES have bad motives. What I AM saying is YOU DON'T KNOW. Think of your father: he would never want to see you get involved with this man, would he? Your dad would have your welfare in mind and heart.You are right to be scared and feeling not ready to move in with him. TRUST those feelings! They are looking out for your well-being!Do you belong to any support groups such as Al-Anon or others? If so, attend their meetings faithfully, see what they have to say. Do you have a good therapist? If you do, tell him or her about this man and your doubts and fears.From what you have said, I think this man sounds very suspicious. Under no circumstances should you continue to talk - let alone meet - him.As for being on your own, its far better to continue your path of clean living and get strong and independent, than to be tied to someone who does not have your best interests at heart, and who you might well come to regret bitterly ever having gotten involved with.In time I hope you'll find a nice man, nearer your own age who will like and respect you for who you are and who will never pressure you into taking steps you're not ready for.....
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A
female
reader, princess09 +, writes (9 April 2009):
well don't move in with him if you've never met him but if he is forcing you to then call childline it's that easy
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): If you feel he is your only support system, then maybe you should move in with him. He sounds very dedicated and like he wants to take care of you. And in my opinion, you need that at this point in your life. 4 months is not that long at all, you need to remain strong, and if he helps you do that, move in with him! Stay up...
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (9 April 2009):
 first of all congratulations on being clean for four months :)
and sorry to hear about your dad!
if you like him then jjust meet him first who knows you may feel the same but if you feel he is pushing you tell him that it's going too fat and you want to slow down a bit and make sure you're ready.
as for the leaving thing tell him how you feel say to him you're afraid of him leaving and just talk to him about it but first of all definately meet him before you do anything!
very proud of you hun for keeping off heroin really strong girl :)
need anymore help let me know :)
best of luck
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