A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 20 and never had a boyfriend. I really want one, all my firends have 1 and I hate being single.It drives me mad when all my firneds talk about weddings and babys but I was planning to go travelling and do lots of fun things and not ready to settle down like that no where near, would run a mile if osmeone suggested marrying me but I;d like a boyfriend to go travelling with and have lots of fun days out and things. I think sometimes I dont have a boyfirend because I'm not good enough and noone will ever like me howver people are always shocked when I say I dont have a boyfriend and for some reason presume I have. I model and always think of other people's feelings and am really trustworthy and caring. I was seeing someone last year and I really liked him, maybe loved him I dont know, he was so fit and made me laugh and we had same interests and everyhting was brillinat howvever he just finished it and recently has been in touch again about meeting up but he goes hot and cold and sometimes rings me 5 times a day and other days ignores me and he says he doesnt see me as a girlfriend but thinks I'm most stunning girl hes seen and so nice but just doesnt see me s a girlfirend and he doesnt know why. Should I give up on him? I really like him and we have so much in common. I've been on dates with lots of guys but dont kniw theres no spark, but with him i get butterflies in my tummy and when we went out I just loved being with him
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (12 March 2011):
Your post is actually one that should be turned into an article, because it shows exactly the problem with being underconfident about yourself. You're a great girl, you're a model, you've got so many things going for you right now. But...you're lacking badly in confidence, and because of that, it's leading you to the very men you should avoid - The users and the losers. You met a guy, and he pushed a few buttons. Then he ended it. Suddenly, he's back in contact yet frequently ignores you, then says you're "stunning" but not girlfriend material (in other words he's happy to see you casually but not for anything else) etc etc. Should you give up on him? - You should have done that the moment he finished it. He wasn't worthy then, and he's not worthy now given that he's treating you this way. Good, confident, decent guys work on a very tight basis when it comes to women, hence why they're seemingly hard to find - They will avoid those that hate being single, because it shows that they have not got their own lives in order that they can entertain themselves, and shows a potential lack of independence. Hating being single is a sign of later clinginess that can become scary and somewhat tiresome. They will avoid women who are underconfident, or believe they are not worthy because again this can lead to clinginess. Also, a man can't really love a woman who doesn't love herself. Imagine giving compliment after compliment, or doing romantic gestures over and over again only to know they're useless because that special person still believes 'they're not worthy'. Eventually, people believe it and they have to leave. They will most definitely avoid a woman who they perceive as being with Mr Wrong. The most stunning woman on earth could be in the room - but if she's with a guy who treats her badly, the'll walk on by and assume she's not all that great. They will avoid women who compare their own love lives to other women. This heightens expectations to a level of insanity!. If you want that Mr Right, you've got to work on yourself a bit more first. First of all, ditch the guy who treats you badly. It's like you're attached to a rock or something. Mr Right can't possibly come along whilst you're seeing Mr Wrong/Mr Idiot.Secondly, you need to stop comparing your situation to your friends. That's getting you down, and in turn that will scare men away. Thirdly, you need to accept who you are. This will take more work, because you are hugely underconfident for whatever reason, and until you overcome that, there is no way the right man will sweep you off your feet. Fourthly, also remember that you can go to a man you like and talk to him first. You need to take some time loving yourself for who you are, and enjoying your own life for a while without men treating you shabbily. When you are more stable and happier with your life, you will find that a different type of guy will come looking - the sort you're really after.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 March 2011):
 Breaking up when things are brilliant is what guys do. Suddenly things got serious! Turn right or left, or stop and think? Give him the time and space he needs to think, what you are in his life. If he misses you but you are not his girlfriend, then what are you? When you see him just do the usual things that make you laugh. Don't ask him anything deep, let him ask you questions first.
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