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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm only fourteen but I've been hurt plenty of times before in life by guys. But for the past several months I've known a guy that makes me feel so happy I could burst, no matter what happens, all I have to do is catch his eye or smile and everything's okay. I'm afraid to call it love, but it's something very close to it. I feel so strongly towards him, so happy, but he has a girlfriend who just so happens to be one of my friends. Every day I tell myself, 'don't think about it, you can be friends and still be happy. He's going out with your friend! Just forget about it, you don't need him.' But one look at him and I'm so happy and secure that I don't want to forget about him. I like to feel happy and loved, and I love the way he treats me and looks at me. He acts like he likes me, tells me jokes, comes to me to talk about girlfriend problems. Just recently he broke up with his girlfriend, but then got back with her the next day. He acts as though he really likes me, but only when his girlfriend isn't around. Something tells me that's not right. I hate this, but I like him so much. I've never felt this way. What should I do? If I do need to forget about it, then how can I ever do that? Is there any hope for me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2006): I agree with anon, you are in the midst of a major, unrelenting crush on this guy. He has a gf anyways..and you don't want to interfere in another girl's relationship. That's plain mean and disrespectful and judging by your letter..you sound like a nice person who knows this already. I would try hard to forget him and get out and date others. Dating is fun. It can help to build self-esteem, can help teens figure out who they are and can teach social skills so I view dating as a form of shopping around, especially at your age. It's does not have to become necessarily 'exclusivity'. I encourage sexual abstinence because if you are dating for fun, a sad fact of nature is that sexual intimacy creates emotional intimacy: even if the 2 people involved in the relationship say "it’s just for fun." In reality, it isn’t. Each romantic relationship takes something from a person’s heart, and each relationship broken, leaves a scar. Teen boys do get hurt, but this seems more predominant with teen girls. So I suggest you enjoy the company of interested boys, but always stay real and honest. Understand any type of healthy relationship, including friendships, are based on trust, respect and caring not to cause pain to others. Being able to identify and be in healthy dating relationships is a very important skill for young people to learn. Friendships are important. Being too wrapped up in the dating scene can prevent a person from developing real friendships, which will be with him or her for life. Additionally, getting caught up in the dating scene displaces more important things. These years are the final staging grounds for independent adulthood. A young person like yourself, who is much too preoccupied with one romantic relationship after another is going to miss out on a lot of the education, as well as on the maturity that comes from intellectual effort. Date and have fun, just remember, you have a future ahead of you. I wish you well..take care,
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2006): Hi! Ive been in similar situations before. I know what you mean about the feelings, the certain looks, the quick glances, the jokes just between the two of you. But ask yourself, is it really him you like? Or is it just the way he treats you? Do you just want someone to treat you like? Someone who loves you ? If it was any other guy and he was showing you the same attention would you like him? That may sound confusing, but I hope you understand what I mean by it. and if you do really like this boy you have to think about whats more important, him or your friend? and if he splits up and gets back with her, he obviously really likes her otherwise he wouldnt try so hard. Id concentrate on being friends with him, theres plenty of time for something to happen. x
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A
female
reader, lori +, writes (2 February 2006):
hi there i think we have all been in this situation at one time or another try not to let this take over your life at 14yrs we have what are called crushes on guys and its a hard thing to shake off you always remember your first crush as you say this guy is your friends boyfriend and thats difficult for you to deal with as you dont want to hurt her and end your friendship with her over a guy and by the sounds of it you are getting mixed messages from him too next time you both have a moment where you can talk you should very carefully mention how you feel about him and tell him how hard you are finding the situation tell him you dont want to hurt his girlfriend but you think it might be best for him to talk over his problems with someone else rather than you although he may come to you as he knows that you know his girlfriend better than anyone try to make friends with another boy and forget about your friends boyfriend hope this helps
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