A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just found out my boyfriend of 3 months has full custody of his 2 small children from a previous marriage. How he kept this from me I have no idea.I have chosen not to have children of my own because I simply do not want to deal with them. I also do not want to take care of another woman's kids. Our relationship was perfect up to the point of me meeting his kids. But children, especially small children, are something I will not tolerate.So my question is how do I let him down easy? I don't want to make up something that's not true because I hate liars and don't want to become one. But I don't want to tell him I want out because of his children.Any help would be great, thanks.
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male
reader, Kepi  +, writes (19 January 2009):
 Simply tell him the truth, explain that you are surprised to find that he has children and that at this stage in your life you had no plans for this kind of responsibility, his children wiill come first and I am sure he will accept it. Many single parents find that their potential partners are put off by kids being around and accept it as part of their role as a parent.
A
female
reader, mosie +, writes (18 January 2009):
Bear with me here. First of all, as a newly separated mother of 2 whose husband has a new girlfriend (no, it's not you!) I COMMEND YOU for being honest and upfront about your feelings about children. I would just simply tell him the truth. I am sure that deep down in his heart he may love you to pieces, but his children probably come first, and he would rather be with someone who accepted his children rather than not. I am not saying this to be mean toward you, because I respect you for standing up to your principles, but as a mother and soon to be ex, I would hope that my husband not date someone like you if you didn't like my kids because chances are you may be put in a position of responsibility with them some day. My soon to be ex told me that he would not date someone who didn't like our children, and I'm sure this man feels the same way. I would just sit down with him one night in the privacy of your home and be honest, whether it is all hinging on his children or not. He will respect you for that. There are some women on this Earth who I know personally who are just like you and I totally respect their decisions not to have children or be directly involved with children. If that is really how you feel about kids, then any loving father could respect your decision not to be put in that position with his children. Good luck to you.
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