A
female
age
36-40,
*yboyfriendsacnt
writes:Hi, I need some helpful advice please??!Here's the low down... I've been sexually active for 12 years now and have never had an orgasm via penetrative sex. Oral and hands I'm fine with... I can reach clitoral orgasms just fine ( thankfully ) phew!!!At first, in my youth it really bugged me but after time I've come to realise that I'm most likely not wired that way and I don't let it bother me much at all. After all, there are other ways to enjoy sex right? I relax in sex now and have stopped trying.I should also mention that I've tried using toys on my own and inserting fingers to see if I am capable and to try find my gspot. Something happens there.. It can start to feel nice but takes so long and I get so frustrated trying that I end up finishing off clitorally otherwise I'd be there for hours. Firstly, I'm just wondering if many others have the same issue? Secondly I'm wondering how to approach this with my partner? I'll be honest.. I've faked it my whole life with each of my boyfriends... I just do it automatically.. I really do love sex so much and have a high lobido and adore making my man feel good about himself. So it starts from day 1.. and of course then has to continue. The problem I'm facing now with my current bf is that we have been dating 18 months and his lobido has gone down. I'd have sex every day if I could whereas he would b happy with once a week. Along with his dropped lobido means that he no longer initiates and very rarely spends time on foreplay like he used to.. I still regularly go down on him and love doing it.. Just the favour is rarely returned... Orally or by hands. Infact we barely kiss any more and he doesn't caress me or seem to be excited by my body / want to spend any time on it.This is all a bit frustrating but I get it.. I know we can't b in the honeymoon phase forever. It just means that now I RARELY orgasm. of course when my boyfriend accepts my advances and we do have sex sometimes I will have to fake it, so he assumes I'm orgasming once every 10 days or so when actually it's more like once every 4/6 weeks when I have to practically force him to touch me by putting some porn on and asking him to. ( sometimes he also ignores me in the same situation ) :(I'm open with him and he knows I'd like more foreplay and for him to come on to me but it isn't really happening and I certainly don't want to whinge about it or bring it up again as that will push him away even more surely?I just don't know what to do here as I am frustrated and feel he's un attracted. I'm very slim and toned and really care for my appearance but he makes me feel like a nympho and un attractive. I just think its not great for my self esteem. I guess my second question is; is there anything I can do to get him to pay me proper attention again without sounding Whingy or needy?I think telling him I can't orgasm through sex would ruin us as he would then know I'd lied all this time and it could possibly make him less likely to make an effort. Hmmm I'm not sure guys, please help?!?
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foreplay, g-spot, orgasm, porn, self esteem Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2013): i have the same problem with not being able to reach an orgasm during penetration. I never have and i probably never will i have come to terms with that. However i still orgasm during sex. The way i deal the situation is when i am with a new guy i tell that i can only orgasm during clitoral stimulation and him being inside me enhances the orgasm but i also rub on my clitorus when he is inside me. So we can cum at the same time. The guys i have been with are fine with me masturbating when i come. I think you need to be honest from the begin.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (21 July 2013):
 You're cheating yourself because when you fake it, you are denying yourself the opportunity to have a good sex life. He thinks he's getting you off, so he has no incentive to go farther and learn what you actually like, meanwhile you are left frustrated. Basically he has no idea anything is wrong because he thinks you're enjoying yourself, when you aren't.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (21 July 2013):
 When babies are in utero, their bodies start out as, for all intents and purposes, female.
When sex hormones start to affect the baby's body, if the baby is male, the clitoris turns into a penis.
That is why most men need direct penile stimulation in order to reach orgasm and why most women need direct clitoral stimulation in order to reach orgasm. They are essentially the SAME THING.
To feel as though it's a "Lot of work" to stimulate yourself in the correct location (That most women also need to be stimulated) is to think that it's a "lot of work" to stimulate a man's penis. I blame porn a lot for most people's lack of knowledge about the female sexual response and the fact that MOST women cannot orgasm through penetration.
Faking orgasms does you no favors. It's time to be honest with your boyfriend, and it's time to stop giving him sex when he won't satisfy you in return. Lying about your sexual responses isn't going to result in a satisfying sex life...can you imagine going through your entire life doing that? It's time to educate yourself about female anatomy and normal sexual response and it's time to educate your boyfriend, too. It's your body and it's your responsibility to teach him.
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A
female
reader, myboyfriendsacnt +, writes (21 July 2013):
myboyfriendsacnt is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thanks for your advice. In regards to the porn thing, we've only done that a couple of times & to be honest it's me that enjoys it & initiates it but he's been responsive too it 2/3 times. So that's not the only thing to get him going. I just find it enjoyable!!
In regards to faking. I'm not cheating myself out of anything? Maybe I should be honest but I can't orgasm via penetration. 12 years should b long enough for me to realise that?! iChat guy wants to think the only way he can get his woman to climax is via oral or clitoral? That's a lot of work
I'm just in debate with myself here over how to approach telling him ( not sure that I should )
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (20 July 2013):
First thing, you should really stop faking. I cannot really grasp why so many women fake orgasms. All you're doing is cheating yourself out of a fulfilling sex life. It is a no win situation for everyone. How can he ever hope to learn what gets you off when he is learning that what you don't like is correct? You are only hurting yourself by faking.
Second, I wonder if his low sex drive can be attributed at least in part to porn, it is a strong indicator this may be the case since he can really only have sex when porn is on. Read this site for more information:
http://www.yourbrainonporn.com
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