A
male
age
36-40,
*ongya
writes:So, I think that its time for me to settle down with my soulmate. I met this girl - five times. She is a shy and reserved. Unfortunately, I get told that she feels 'neutral' about me and that she does not 'feel like it.'I would really like to understand what this means and how do I get pass this roadblock?Thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2014): Sir, it takes longer than 5 meetings to find someone you should spend your life with. Unless a woman is desperate to marry, with or without love, you will struggle to find someone to be with. You HAVE to stop jumping so far ahead (marriage should be AT LEAST 18 months away from your first date) and focus on the present and NEAR future (as in, only a month or two ahead!)....
A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (12 July 2014):
Dear OP,
If she was your soulmate, she would also feel in love with you and want to settle down. What you describe is just.. falling in love with someone who doesn't love you back. It happens. And you can't build a future based on it.
I am sorry to tell you, but you created an illusion of her and you in your head. But your dream is never going to come true, at least not with her. There is nothing you can do, just to let her go. It's very hard, I know. It hurts so much. But it's better for the both of you if you just look for somebody else. One day, you might find somebody who is REALLY your soulmate. You will be happy that you didn't pursue this girl, because you would have missed the chance to find somebody who loves you back, and doesn't feel "neutral".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2014): Let her go. She's doesn't return your feelings, and she's trying to tell you nicely.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2014): You have to learn to accept if a woman doesn't feel the same for you as you do for her. Guys who fall too deep too soon, are creepy and scary. You might be ready to settle down, that doesn't mean she is. Nor do you have a right to pressure her into it.
Feeling strong feelings for someone who doesn't return them,is an infatuation. If it continues in spite of rejection, it is an obsession.
Your unrequited affection for this lady is not being reciprocated. Meeting five times is not enough to determine how you really feel about someone.
You may only be smitten; because you're impressed with her beauty or her mystique. Her shyness intrigues you. Women sometimes come across as coy when they don't know how to outright reject you without hurting your feelings. Some don't. They get the point across somehow. It may be through other people, or a friend of yours. Asking you nicely to go-away. If she liked you at first, you may have killed it with all that soul-mate talk; without offering her any opportunity to turn you down. She has that right, sir.
She may be flattered by your attention and the fact that you like her, but she has no "romantic" feelings toward you.
You may not want to use such media-created terminology as a "soul-mate." I say this, because in your lifetime you will meet many good women; and your relationships with them may be good. They may not be meant to last for a life-time.
There may be others just as wonderful, meant for you through the journey of a full lifetime.
Lovely people sometimes come into our lives but briefly. Yet they still leave us something to cherish. They teach us things, and they share a segment of their time with us, that will shape and prepare us for the person who will come along that will end our search for the "right one."
There are no guarantees in life. That includes that we will find someone to be with for the rest of our lives. I had a 28-year relationship, but cancer took my partner away. Things can happen. Singling out an individual as a "soul-mate" sounds good on greeting cards, but in the world of reality there are twists, turns, complications, and obstacles. We must respect the will of other people. Don't label her anything unless she wants you to.
You have to adjust your love-life to include what life brings our way. We crush and fall for people who don't reciprocate our feelings. There is nothing that can be done about that. You can pursue in frustration. What that gets you is flat-out rejection, once the pursued becomes fed-up.
You can't corner a woman into submission.
This woman apparently doesn't feel any strong feelings toward you; and "neutral" is pretty much in the friend-zone.
It could also means she feels nothing at all.
You must never force your feelings onto any person. If they like you as a friend; then you have the option to willingly and mutually agree to become a friend. If that is not enough, you write them off and move on.
I'm going to include one more thing. Pushy people often describe someone they desire as "shy and/or reserved."
Often the object of their romantic-interest is not shy.
They are being careful not to offer any signals that would be misinterpreted as any invitation to pursue them. It is a gentle way of rejecting someone they're not interested in.
They are keeping their distance.
I feel this to be the problem you're facing with her. So back off. Either give her time to get to know you, or learn to lighten up. It's very off-putting when someone you hardly know comes at you too intensely and aggressively.
You might be coming on too strong.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (12 July 2014):
 I find it a little amusing that you find the fact she is 'neutral' to you and has told you she doesn't feel like settling down with you a little off.
It is not a 'roadblock'. Regardless of what you feel she obviously doesn't see you as HER soulmate.
I think you need to accept this girl is not interested in you, and move on.
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