A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My heart is breaking. I feel so left out in my family and so envious of the closeness between my brother, sister in law, sister and bro in law.I’m the oldest, bro and sis younger, bro 3 yrs younger, sis 8 yrs younger. Both are married, sis has 2 kids,bro 3.They’ve all got much in common and love seeing each other.They see each other 1-3 times year but communicate on social media. I try to also with them, like, comment etc. but they largely Ignore me there.They Live in different places.We all do.I’m single and gay ( I cannot have kids due to surgery,)As a teen I was very badly bullied, and my sis was so much younger, all I focused on aged 11-17 was me, not ending my life and getting through school. I’ve seen therapists over the years and dealt with that past.. but..As I went through hell as a teen I never had a close Rship with bro and esp. not sis, we didn’t like each other much.They weren’t bullied as teens and had no idea what I went through. They didn’t get or understand me and as we all got older bro and sis became closer and Iived in the same town.I moved to a city and stayed there. I saw them a few times a year. Now my sis lives interstate and my bro lives in my state 2 hrs from me.I visit my sis once a year and she never calls me, she does my bro and sis in lAw.My sis knows she’s welcome to visit me, she’s busy, works and has a family life.Yet she visits my bro and sis in law. Recently she was in their town seeing them and Her best friend, who also lives NeAr my bros town.She stayed with my bro and drove to see her best friend.Bros town is 2 hours from my city .This was all over Facebook, nice photos of her and my sis in law and bro and her and her best friend.Lovely comments of how she’s “blessed” to see them and feels“Loved and wanted and home” seeing them.Not a word like that about me when I visited her 2 months ago..I haven’t seen my bros kids in years and haven’t seen him in 18 months.I don’t know how to connect with them anymore.I’m scared I’ll be “the weird aunt they have to speak to”My sisters the popular aunt they adore.I don’t know what to say to them, they are boys 14,16 and an 11 yr old girlI’ve ..... d everything up by being distant years ago and now they are formal around me and don’t seem to see me as sister at. And def don’t contact me.Both prefer texts not calls.. in 2018 calling them would be awkwardI’m heartbroken Ive messed it all up..They don’t see me at all..I’m invisible and it’s all my fault.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 March 2018):
 Even if you werent close growing up, you still can become close. But it will take time and effort, and generosity and an interest from both sides. You can not force a relationship or friendship. But you should not have regrets and believe that this is all because of childhood distances. My mother and I were not close while I lived at home. But over the years as I became an adult, we developed a friendship. It can happen, still.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2018): I understand how you feel. I'm a family oriented person and get along great with all my family members and even my boyfriend's large family. But my boyfriend has had bad history with all his younger siblings and cousins. He broke the relationship with them when he was younger. Now, with everyone getting married and having kids, I can see he wants so much to be a part of them again. Ironically, they only talk to me and invite me to gatherings. I told my boyfriend I know it's hard, but he has to accompany me. Over time, as they see more of him and see he has changed, they will accept him again. It's been 4 years and things are still a working progress.. it takes a LONG time.So, don't despair... continue reaching out to your siblings, continue making the trips to see them and their children, continue opening up yourself to them.. they will reciprocate one day. End of day, you're all family!
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (19 March 2018):
 I don't see anything wrong with messaging them both and telling them exactly how you feel and saying what you've just told us.
Apologise for being distant and tell them that you want to become closer to them and improve relations. I don't think you can be clearer than that and they would have to be very cold hearted to ignore a plea from a family member wanting to connect with them.
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